Honoka's Future
by SpringSkies
Summary: Honoka's too worried about confessing her feelings towards Kotori. It didn't help that Kotori seemed to become closer and closer to Umi lately. She was on the verge of giving up completely but someone just had to help her, open her eyes and see. All for her future happiness.
1. Help Me

**So yeah...hello again hahaha, this is for those HonoKoto fans out there :) slight angst here people but it's a happy fic altogether (0~0) Please read the end note, it really would help us both** **(0~0)** **(07/08/2017) I removed and added a few things.**

* * *

Honoka sighs for the nth time since she left Otonokizaka High premises. She didn't have anyone to accompany her, Kotori said she'll wait for her mother to finish work while Umi had her kyudo practice. Days like this, walking home alone, gave the energetic leader of μ's time to think about random things that happened for the past few months.

Eli and Nozomi started dating each other, they're pretty much inseparable (as if they weren't when they were still best friends) but this time they're really~ inseparable. Maki and Nico are still at each other's throats but lately, it seems like they're just playfully annoying each other. Rin and Hanayo are still the same... _while me..._

She looks ahead of her. The leaves swayed to the dance of the wind, the sun's heat tickling her skin, the weather's nice today. And sadly she cannot share it with her beloved.

She shut her eyes, the memory of Kotori and her walking down this street became vivid. They were laughing, talking about things. Even after ten years of being each other's best friends they never ran out of topics to talk about. But that wasn't the best part yet, all this happened while their fingers were interlocked with each other. Her heart flutters at the thought of Kotori's soft hands touching hers. Having Kotori's warmth spread throughout her being, it made her feel secure and comfortable as if God made their hands like puzzle pieces, they perfectly fit the other. She opens her eyes and stares at her hand. Right now, Kotori's warmth is not with her, Kotori's not with her.

Honoka shook her head and slapped her cheeks, "Wake up Honoka. It's not as if you two are together." she mumbles to herself and almost immediately she felt pain in her chest. _We're not together. We're not together._ repeated in her head like a mantra. She thought of herself as a masochist, she loved to hurt herself emotionally, in exchange to not hurting Kotori.

 _I was not like this before. But that was before the Kotori crisis._ She thought. _Is it really alright to consider others feelings first? In exchange of considering my own?_

It wasn't fair. How Honoka hoped (and at the same time not hope) that she was still that high school girl who couldn't care less about the world, of other people's feelings. It was a selfish wish but almost losing Kotori once opened her eyes for the better. _Probably now, it's for the worse._

"I want to do something that won't make anyone sad." she remembers saying that once, and she is doing her best to fulfill it. _Or am I?_ she thought. Loving Kotori, it was full of surprises but also full of jealousy. and _Hurt._ It's funny how Honoka's making herself an exception to her own words. Just to keep herself from going insane from loving Kotori so much.

Things like this Honoka thought, _Why can't I be straightforward again?_ It was a pointless question. She knew the answer, she always knew it. And it hurt her.

 _Yeah, if I did confess...Kotori and I might not be friends anymore..._ Honoka knew she had no chance. Kotori was like a lone star in the midnight sky. She shone brightly, so beautiful and elegant. Yet she was out of reach, no matter what that star will leave, no that star is already gone it's too far. That's what Honoka thinks.

Kotori, even though she's near she seems so far away. Even if she's near, it doesn't mean she'll always stand by Honoka. She'll leave, find someone worthy of her and gets married. And Honoka will be left behind, watching her back disappear into the light. Watching her unrequited love leave her behind.

Honoka stopped walking, she couldn't. Her eyes were blurred and she felt something warm cradle down her face. _Are those tears?_ she touches her face. She cannot count how many times she had cried for Kotori. Her dear Kotori. Her best friend. Her _oblivious_ best friend.

"I, I need to talk to her," she says to herself and dug into her bag to get her phone. It became a habit, wanting to hear Kotori's voice to calm herself. While still cutting the wound in her heart deeper.

"W-What?" she kept on digging for the rectangular shaped object but alas, her phone was not there. _Oh._ She wiped off her tears and turned around, going back to Otonoki.

It didn't take her too long, she wasn't that far from school anyways. She hurriedly ran up the stairs and went to her homeroom. She takes her pink cellphone from her desk before placing it in her bag. Honoka smiles, having momentarily forgotten about her sadness.

She went out of the building and as soon as her eyes landed on the gate her eyes widened. It was Kotori, leaning against the gate pillar. The girl was constantly looking at her watch and eyeing something in front of her, whixh was in this case in Honoka's right.

She smiled, it was a reflex whenever she saw Kotori. She took a step forward and was about to wave and call out her name when she saw someone else approaching the ash-brunette.

Honoka didn't know why but she hid behind a tree. She peeks one eye out and saw Umi who had come from kyudo practice. On the sight of the bluenette, Kotori seemingly stood up straight and waved at her.

"Umi-chan!"

"Kotori,"

Honoka chuckles at herself, _they're my friends, why am I hiding?_ She was about to leave her hiding spot when she heard Umi spoke, her words making her freeze in place.

"Did you wait too long?" Honoka's brows furrowed. _What? Kotori said..._

 _"Honoka-chan, you can go on ahead, I'll be joining oka-san on the way home."_

 _Was she_ lying to me? She grits her teeth to contain the ache in her heart that came from Kotori's possible lie.

"No," Kotori shook her head, "Let's go?"

Umi nods, "Sure, I'll just tell oka-san I'll be home late. Is there anyone at your house, Kotori?"

"Mm, oka-san went home earlier."

 _So she was lying. I, I could've joined them, I could've stayed late as well. Why didn't they invite me? What are Kotori and Umi-chan doing without me?_ Honoka shut her eyes, no, if it was that I'm pretty sure they would've told me. I'm their friend after all.

Still, the thought of Kotori and Umi, holding hands and being all lovey dovey made her hurt more. No, she would've preferred being kept in the dark if it means that...or not, she would want to know so she won't get her hopes up whenever Kotori does something sweet towards her. No, Honoka's at a lost. She doesn't know what she'd want in this.

She glances at the two again and the sight broke her heart. The hand, the one she thought was only for her, was intertwined with Umi's, all the while smiles plastered on their faces. _Yeah...I'm not a special case, Kotori-chan does these things to others too, not only me. I'm just Honoka, her best friend._

And like that, the two of them walked off. When they were safely out of her reach, Honoka left her hiding spot and looked at their backs and just like that she felt it again, Kotori was leaving her, disappearing with someone else. Only this time, it was real.

All the way home, Honoka dwelled into self-hate. _I knew sooner or later Kotori-chan will fall in love. Someone who's great and all. I'm just Honoka. If she were to choose between me and Umi-chan...the answer is too clear. I cannot compete with her. She's everyone's favorite, everyone's role model. I'm just...I'm just me, little old Honoka._

Her tears were freely flowing again, she didn't care who saw her. The weird school girl crying. Yeah, that's just who she is.

"Honoka?" _Oh, I'm home._ "Tadaima," she mumbles, loud enough for her mother to hear. The concerned Mrs. Kousaka called her name out again but she didn't respond and went straight upstairs. She heard her sister, mother, and father talking downstairs, she didn't even notice them.

"Is she alright?"

Honoka's bag landed with a thud and she slid her door quietly. She brought her palms up and rested them on the door. "I'm not," she whispers.

"You're not what?" her eyes widen and she turned around quickly. On her bed was a woman, probably in her mid-twenties. She was wearing a black fedora hat with a brown lace, black aviator glasses over her eyes, a white sleeveless dress that was above her knees, donned with a blazer. To finish it off was a gray tasseled scarf that was loosely wrapped around her neck. She didn't know this girl and only one thought was on her mind: shout.

"WH-mph!" Before she could scream bloody murder, the shady intruder's palm smacked on her lips, preventing her from speaking. She had forgotten the events from earlier, well she didn't mean to but this was a pretty good distraction...at the same time probably dangerous.

"I won't hurt you I promise...just, don't shout please?" the woman whispered nervously. Honoka didn't know what to do, she didn't know this person who's in her room. _Wait, how did she get in her room?_

"Please?" the woman repeated. Honoka had no choice, who knows what this woman would do if she continued resisting. She nods.

"Good." the woman smiled and stood back. "Don't worry I'm not a thief or rapist," she said, hoping for the younger girl to trust her a bit.

Honoka eyed her up and down, _your get up proves otherwise...um..._

"You know it's kind of sketchy to wear sunglasses inside the room." Honoka scratched her nose lightly.

The woman tilted her head sidewards, rather cutely. Honoka noticed a few locks of blonde hair sticking out.

"O-oh," she chuckles dorkily, "Sorry I forgot I was wearing one in the first place." the woman brought a hand up and removed her sunglasses. "Better?"

Honoka's mouth hung open. The woman, she's downright beautiful. Her eyes were dark brown, her nose was pointed and cute, her lips were plump and pink. In other words, this woman was flawlessly beautiful. Before she could utter anoter word, the woman beat her to it.

"Wah~ this room's so cute!" the woman fawned over Honoka's room, while the owner stood dazed in place, "God, I missed these mangas- hey, hey you wouldn't mind if I read some of these right?" she took a bunch of books and showed them to Honoka. This woman, despite looking so mature and elegant, is childish. Honoka smiled _, she's not entirely shady, is she..._

"U-um...may I ask who you are?"

"Hm?"

Honoka scratched her cheek and looked everywhere except the blonde girl, "I mean, I came home...feeling sad about..." she paused, "something and there was this woman lying on my bed so comfortably...I'm kind of a loss here...um..."

She looked at Honoka as she trails off, "O-oh! I'm sorry I forgot to introduce myself. I'm..." she stopped. _What am I supposed to tell_ _her?_

"You're...?"

"I'm Raise Kou." she says with a smile.

Honoka blinked. "That name-"

"And you are?"

"U-Uh...Kousaka Honoka." Honoka extends her hand out which the woman gladly took. Honoka looked deep into her brown eyes, it seemed _familiar_ and at the same time foreign. _Who could she be?_

"H-Hey-"

"Honoka...chan? Can I call you that?" Kou asks to which Honoka slowly nodded, "Then I'll call you Kou-senpai?"

Kou shook her head, "Please call me...Kou-chan...I guess?- That is if it's okay with you...I- uh...oh gosh." Kou's face glowed bright red and she turns away from Honoka. _She's also not good with her words...huh?_ _Wait I got too carried away!_

"May I ask what are you doing in my room and...how you got in...?"

Kou looks at her for a second before her eyes widened, "O-Oh! That uhm...I," her eyes dart across the room, "There!" she points at the closed window. Honoka's face crunches into confusion, "Eh? There's no way I left that open earlier..." Kou pales at Honoka's words.

"W-Well! You did Honoka-chan. Ahahahaha!" she forces out a laugh as she hits Honoka's shoulder a bit too hard.

"I-Is that so...okay." Honoka nods unsurely.

"Anyways Kou-chan, what are you doing in my room?" Honoka whispers to her. For a moment, she saw the blonde's face contort into sadness. That was when Honoka noticed the tear-stained face of Kou. _How did I not notice that earlier_ -

"Are you alright Kou-chan?" she asks out of worry. She didn't know why she asked that. This woman meant nothing to her so why is she so concerned? Why did she feel a tug in her heart when this woman looked sad?

"Honoka...would you believe me if I said that..." she trails off, her eyes dart off to the side. Honoka saw she was hesitating. _Hesitating to tell me what? Oh yeah, we're strangers._

Honoka did her best to smile, "If you don't want to tell me it's okay Kou-chan."

Honoka expected her to nod and say 'thank you for understanding' or something. The older woman shaking her head and staring at her surprised her.

Honoka looked back at her dark brown eyes innocently and Kou gelt the urge to push the thought back, "Nothing."

Honoka's shoulders visibly slumped down, _is she serious giving all that build up for nothing?_ , "Eh? Kou-chan you big meanie! Tell me!" she pouts. The older woman chuckles dryly. She places a hand on top of Honoka's head and pets the girl a bit. Honoka liked it, it brought her comfort.

"Maybe next time Honoka-chan."

"Tell me now!"

"No."

"Now!"

"No."

"Please?" she used her puppy dog eyes. The older woman sighs. She knew this was going nowhere, she was pretty much persistent. She removed her hand that was on Honoka's head and used it to flick her forehead.

Honoka groans in pain, "Owwie~" she pouts again, not noticing the gloomy aura Kou emitted.

"...Hey, Honoka-chan..."

"Hm?" Honoka continued rubbing her forehead to ease off the sting.

"Do you have anyone you...like right now?" Honoka froze. And just like that, everything from earlier replayed in her mind.

 _"Honoka-chan, you can go on ahead, I'll be joining oka-san on the way home."_

 _"Mm, oka-san went home earlier."_

She shut her eyes. She had forgotten it earlier and now the painful feeling was back and it hit her like a truck.

Kou noticed the painful look on Honoka's face. She knew it was insensitive but she'd have to convey her thoughts to Honoka properly. This was the only way.

"I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked," she said nonetheless, her face showing concern and sadness. It tugged a small part in Honoka's heart and she knew that somewhere deep inside her she felt the want to tell Kou about it.

"No, it's okay..." Honoka walked to her bed and sat down. The older woman could only look at the girl. She badly wanted to say it but she didn't know how...what would _she_ do in these situations?-

"Why do you think so?" Honoka whispers.

The blonde girl joined her, seating beside her, "Well...earlier when you arrived I saw you crying...and I thought that maybe it had something to do with your love life?" _Dang it, that's a pretty lame excuse Kou._

Honoka chuckles, having bought Kou's explanation. "Really?"

"Of course! And you're at the age of having crushes and girlfriends so yeah..."

"Girlfriends? Do I not look like someone who'd date a guy?" Honoka pouts playfully. _It's kinda cool how I can act like this when I feel like dying._

Kou nods her head quickly, "O-Of course you do! I mean, you could..." _But I know you won't...you've fallen hard._

"I don't. I'm lesbian." Honoka confirms.

"Oh." _I know._

"How about you, do you like anyone?" Honoka returns the question, not even staring at her. There was a beat and another, and another before Kou answered.

"I'm fine." she managed to choke out before silence embraced them. Both of them had different things on their minds. Kou was trying to keep herself from saying something at the same time trying to make herself say something. While Honoka, a masochist that she now was kept on imagining Kotori and Umi together.

"Hey, Honoka-chan."

Honoka hummed a response.

"I know this is out of the blue but...I'll help you." she looks at Honoka, blue met brown and Honoka saw the fire of determination evident in her eyes.

"Eh?" _What did she say now?_

"You're crying." Kou took out a handkerchief from her pocket and dabbed it on Honoka's wet cheeks. Honoka sniffed. _It smells like Kotori-chan..._

"You didn't notice you were crying?" Kou asks curiously to which Honoka nodded.

"I don't know what's the difference anymore. These tears? They're my new norm." Honoka smiles but the slight quiver of her lips gave her real emotions out to Kou.

"Sorry, sorry...what were you saying earlier?"

Kou didn't know what to do. She was hesitating again, seeing Honoka so heartbroken, she didn't know but she has to try. "...I said I'll help you...I'll help you get the girl you like." she stares straight at Honoka's eyes. She searched for any hint, even just the slightest hint that Honoka approves.

What Kou didn't expect was Honoka breaking out into a fit of laughter. Kou knew. It was forced. Hurt. _Hopeless._ "Kou-chan, don't joke like that." she smiles sadly, "There's no chance for me."

"Why is that?" Kou asks.

Honoka looks at her study table particularly at the frame hanging above it. It was a collage Kotori made and gave to her during their 10th-year friendversary. It showed pictures of them, from those stolen pics of them playing, sleeping beside each other, their middle school graduation picture, them in their first live and lots more.

"I can't risk it. This friendship means so much to me. If ruining it means me getting these feelings off my shoulders then I'd rather let it push me down."

"Plus she likes Umi-chan." Honoka's peripherals saw a slight change of movement from Kou but she waved it off.

"Are you sure?" Kou asks and Honoka nods sadly.

"Who would not like Umi-chan? She's smart, beautiful and athletic...I," she stares down, "cannot compete with that."

Kou grits her teeth. She didn't like where this is going. She stands up and pushes Honoka down. "Kou-chan?" Honoka squeals in surprise.

Kou shuts her eyes, "Listen Honoka! You're just as amazing, talented and beautiful as Umi!"

"They might hear you downstairs," Honoka warns but Kou continued nonetheless.

"Don't ever think of yourself like that!...or else..." Kou chokes and her tears finally left her eyes as she slumped down in front of Honoka. The ginger head didn't know what to do or say. She didn't know why Kou was so affected by her love life.

"Just try...don't think about anything just try."

Honoka frowns, "But-"

"This is not you Honoka! You used to be straightforward remember? That's who you are. You don't stop, you don't quit until you get your feelings across. Why are you holding back now?!"

"Because I love Kotori-chan!" Honoka admits, "I love her so much that I don't want to tell her! What if she doesn't feel the same and-"

"Or what if she does?!" Kou fought back, effectively silencing Honoka. "You and Kotori have been together for God knows how long. Do you really think that no one is capable of loving you? Do you really think that no one loves you for _you_?"

"Even so, Kotori-chan maybe not one of them..."

"What if she is?" Honoka didn't answer and she let silence take over the already heavy atmosphere. Today's really not Honoka's day but at the same time, it might be a turning point for her and Kotori. _Kou-chan's right...I won't know what Kotori-chan really feels unless I ask her...I've been making these guesses all along, not even considering that possibility. Maybe...maybe there's a chance Kotori-chan likes me._

And like that, hope returned to Kousaka Honoka.

"Help me."

* * *

 **Woooo! So this is not some long running fic like Vampires vs Wizards :P maybe around five chapters, six at most :) Also Kou is no 'OC' ;P that's why I didn't put an OC tag xD. I know there's a lot of questions here but this chapter is mainly directed to Honkers. Review and follow!**


	2. Kiss Me

**(IMPORTANT 07/08/2017) First of all please read chapter one again T.T I'm sorry, I added a few things and removed most of the unnecessary things. I was sleepy when I wrote the first one so...also sorry if it's a bit badly written I'm really sorry~ TT**

 **Anyways** **I'm back with chapter II (0~0) Okay I'll start the review section...**

 **OuMiyuki** : I keep on running into you here xD hehe anyways I'll have to tell you, one of the reasons I posted this ahead of time was because of you lols I know you like HonoKoto :P and I like a lot of your stories- anyway, I'll be revealing bits of Kou's identity to you guys early in this chapter. Warning: more KotoHono angst.

 **KoyoriYume:** I added a few things in the first chapter so...more angst I guess? Then this chapter...more angst? I'm sorry T.T

 **Nelura: ** IKR, I cannot imagine Kotori with someone other than Honoka (but I wonder why I can imagine Honoka with everyone else xD).

Okay without further ado, the chapter two of Honoka's Future (0~0)

* * *

 _"Help me."_

Kou remembers smiling after Honoka said that but...

"I can't think of any ideas!" the twenty-five-year-old woman says. It was already nearing midnight and most people are already asleep. _Including Honoka._ she glances over the giant slump on the bed. Her droopy eyes drifted to the messy pile of crumpled paper around the kotatsu. _These ideas are too much...or too plain._

She remembers putting one 'Fly her to Paris and confess by the Eiffel Tower, with a corny line of 'Eiffel for you Kotori-chan.'' Kou cringed. _Plus Honoka's still a student, there's no way she could fly Kotori-chan to Paris._ Then there was that 'Fill her room with alpacas holding a plaque of 'I LOVE KOTORI-CHAN'. That she does admit is cute but still so over. Then there was that 'Give her a love letter and run away screaming hoping she'd say yes'. Yes, she thought of her doing that. It was entertaining to imagine that but nope, not doing it. Sadly.

Kou whines incoherently and settles her head on the kotatsu, not noticing the shift on the bed. "I'm tired." _And hungry, I wonder if she left any sweets down-_

"Kou-chan? You're still awake?" she turns her head to see Honoka sitting on the bed. Her hair was disheveled and her sleeves were loosely hanging off her shoulders.

"Yes...did I wake you up?" The person in question shook her head while rubbing her eyes (cutely). When her eyes have adjusted to the darkness she frowned at Kou.

"Why are you still wearing your fedora?" Kou freezes for a second before she regained composure.

While smiling at Honoka she says, "This one? Uh, eto...you see, um...-" _Shoot._ She internally panicked when she couldn't find a believable excuse to throw Honoka off course. That was at least until she heard the girl giggle. The girl went off her bed and walked to the light switch.

"And you haven't changed yet." Kou looks down and true to Honoka's word she was still wearing the clothes she wore when she came here. She blushes out of embarrassment.

"You know when you asked permission to stay over I thought you had some change of clothes with you but you don't do you Kou-chan?" Kou;s blush intensifies, that it now could rival Maki's hair color, and hangs her head low.

Honoka goes to her dresser and rummaged for a bit before taking out a pair of pajamas a bit unsure, "Um, they may be a bit short because you're taller than me so..."

"They're fine, thank you...uh, could you please turn around for a bit while I change?"

"E-Eh?" Honoka said incredulously. _Well, they're both girls so they both have what the other has right?_

"...I...I'm conscious of my body..." Kou shyly admits and now it was Honoka's turn to blush.

"O-Okay...I won't look." Honoka turns around catching the blonde surprised. She turns her head slowly and peeked at Honoka and true to her words, she was turning to the other side. Kou felt touched at the gesture and she takes the pajamas on the table. She removed her fedora and undid her bun, letting her silky blond locks touch her shoulders.

* * *

"...I'm done," she announces and Honoka looks over. Her jaw drops (again).

She didn't mean to, but she eyed the older woman from bottom to top. Yes, the clothes were slightly short but it still looked cute on the blonde girl. _Yep, everything's good- wait._ Kou chuckles nervously, aware that Honoka's squinting eyes were on her head. She immediately touched her fedora. Yes, she didn't remove it. Honoka's eyes squinted into a glare and her mouth was twitching.

 _This is like the Umi-jogging-pants-don't-make-suitable-stockings-for-dresses_ _situation on their first live._ _This girl, she's beautiful, cute, friendly and model-like but she's also dorky and a fashion criminal. If Kotori-chan saw this she'll flip._ Honoka chuckles at the thought.

Honoka could not take it anymore and broke into a fit of laughter, well-hushed laughter. Kou could only pout and whine and cross her arms under her breasts like a child. "W-Whatever! I'm not taking it off!"

"S-Sure you aren't!" Honoka continues to laugh while her victim grumbles like a child. Honoka didn't realize it but for a moment there she had forgotten everything that happened with Kotori earlier that day. It took a few minutes before Honoka settled down and she stares at Kou's eyes. Honoka's face softened, her eyes were red and watery- what-

"Hey can I use your bathroom?" she kindly asks. Honoka noticed how Kou's eyes seemed to swim everywhere except her own. Her hands balled into a fist.

"E-Eh? Okay, just-"

"I'll be careful." _I was going to give you directions..._ Honoka thought as she stared at the slightly agape door. _Wait. She doesn't know where the freaking bathroom is!_ Honoka panicked in her head before stealthily but quickly leaving her room, making sure to leave as little noise as possible.

She continues her way out and at the same time checking each room she passes by. _Nothing._ She sighs in relief. The only room she had not checked was the one on the far end of the corridor, the bathroom... _wait how did she know where the bathroom is?_ Honoka pales, think about it. _She climbed in her bedroom window, her parents were home all throughout the day so it's impossible they missed her if she checked around the house-_

"Honoka-chan?" Honoka jumps in surprise. She was ready to shout and the older girl, thankfully with fast reflexes, lets go of the bottle in her hands to shush Honoka. "Kyaa-mph!...henkyu." came her muffled reply.

"..They might hear you." the older woman warns again before removing her hand from Honoka's mouth with a smile. _What are you thinking Honoka? S_ _he said earlier she wasn't like that. Maybe Kou-chan just has a good sense of direction. Yeah, that's it._ She looks down and spotted a blue bottle. Realizing what they were and who owned them Honoka took the initiative to get the object Kou had dropped. _A contact lens solution._

Kou took it from her hands immediately, "Thanks, Honoka-chan."

"You wear contacts?" Honoka can't help but ask.

"...Yeah...they're clear lenses though..." the younger girl slowly nods and the two of them went back to their room.

Honoka climbs on her bed and despite her protests, Kou insisted on tucking her in. She looks at those brown eyes again. She didn't know but it was drawing her in. They were beautiful, elegant and out of this world. "Hey, hey do you think I should get contact lenses too?" the words tumbled out of her mouth before she could process her words properly. The blonde smiles softly, "You're vision's perfectly fine Honoka."

The blonde smiles softly, "You're vision's perfectly fine Honoka."

"Yeah, well I could get those non-graded ones." she sticks a tongue out and the blonde can't help but let out a chuckle.

Honoka chuckles as well, "I could get the same color as your eyes Kou-chan." she jokes and for a moment silence was their company. It was quiet, at least it was comfortable. The light sound of the wind from the air conditioner and the warm hands caressing her hair, it wasn't a surprise to Kou when Honoka's eyes shut close and soon the girl was back to dreamland. Kou stares at her for a few minutes,

"Yeah...they would suit you,"

She stood up and took a container from her blazer's pocket before settling down the futon beside Honoka's bed. Her thoughts drift back to the very reason she's here before she fell asleep.

 _I'll do my best._

* * *

When morning came, Honoka woke up alone in her room. She looks down to greet her blonde friend when she noticed the futon was gone, so were the trash from last night. She jumps, _where's Kou-chan?_ Honoka knew the blonde couldn't have gone out of this room this early in the morning else her parents or sister will see her. _So where is she-_

"Honoka-neechan, I said wake up!" A shouting Yukiho banged her door. She groans before slipping into her comfy indoor footwear. The ginger head resented waking up early, much more because it was for school. Another day, she has to act that she's fine and nothing's hurting her in front of the very person that's causing the pain unknowingly. All the while she was doing her morning routine, her thoughts shifted back and forth from Kotori, _what did she do with Umi yesterday, are they together? Did they confess to each other yesterday? Is Kotori fed up with her? Umi was her polar opposite, the version Honoka wanted to be but cannot be._ and to Kou, _where could she be? She could've left me a note right? I checked earlier there was none. Did she go out the way she went into my room?_

"I'm going~" Honoka bid farewell. She was standing at her doorstep when her eyes opened up to a possibility regarding Kou. _It can't be._ Honoka shook her head, this was getting worse. _Was I too depressed that I dreamt/hallucinated that someone claimed to help me with Kotori-chan?_ She thought about it. Kou appeared at the most convenient time for her, she was too kind and her beauty was so unreal as well. Her name wasn't common for Japanese, it was only two Japanese words brought together. _Yet,_ Honoka shut her eyes, _why did it all feel so real?_

 _I'm so stupid, in the end, I still managed to hurt myself. This bloodless, cold, unseen wound I've inflicted upon myself, Kotori-chan and Umi-chan inflicted in me...wait Kou-chan too right- No! She isn't real Honoka, stop it._

"Honoka-chan!" Kotori's voice breaks her out of her reverie. She smiles lightly. It was a normal whenever she sees Kotori. _O_ _h yeah, Kotori-chan was going to pick me up._

"Good morning Honoka." _And Umi-chan._ Honoka looked in between them, _too close, there's no space left for me._ She smiles again, even though inside, she was crying so badly. The wound, everyone around her did to her, including herself, it was going deeper. It was killing her slowly. Agony. Discomfort. Love? Honoka doesn't know anymore.

 _Another day I have to fake how I feel. Another day I hide from the world. And from Kotori-chan._ "Good morning Kotori-chan, Umi-chan." and like that the three of them embarked to school, _Kotori, and Umi_...and Honoka.

Honoka was already feeling bad and it was only a little past six o'clock in the morning. It didn't help when Honoka stared in front of her. Once again, their backs were turned from her, turned from the real Kousaka Honoka. _I'm not fine. I love you Kotori-chan._ Her mind cried out but those two wouldn't know. In their little shell together, protected from Honoka's truth.

The two of them were talking about this cute keychain on Kotori's phone or whatever. _Far away. Too far away._ Honoka's pessimistic side repeated and repeated. _She doesn't feel the same way._

 _"What if she does?"_ Kou's reply popped into her head. _No, Kou's not real. I just dreamt her...that's all._ She looks in front of her. The distance. The far distance. _Are Kotori-chan and Umi-chan running?_ She raises her hand out, _I cannot reach her. I'll never reach her. I'm pathetic._

* * *

The day went by quickly and Honoka was quiet and out of herself all the way. She didn't eat her lunch, she only stayed in homeroom and gazed off the distance. Her group members were worried about her so they canceled practice just for her. It was noon and Honoka is walking home...alone again. Kotori said she'll go home with her 'mom'.

 _Why does she need to lie to me? If she and Umi-chan are really dating...I would've, I could've...I couldn't understand. Maybe she doesn't want to spend time with me and rather spend with Umi-chan._

"Hey..."

 _I'm no one. I'm just one of those people she 'once knew'_. _While she'll be my 'one and only'._ _She'll easily forget about me while I'll die thinking of only her._ She kept walking out of the school's entrance, neverminding the fact that the street lights were red for pedestrians.

"Honoka?" _Beep!_

 _I won't come back from this. I don't want to. And I can't._

"Honoka-chan!" her head whips to her side at the familiar voice. In that quick gush of time, a hand held onto her wrist, pulling her into a tall girl's embrace. _What?_ Honoka thought before her eyes drift to the road in front of her school. There she saw the speeding car disappear in seconds. _Oh, I almost literally died thinking of her._

"Thank God..." she hears her savior utter under their breath and she turns to look up. Brown eyes. Brunette hair. "Kotori-chan...?" her heart warms at the sight, that was until she felt pushed out of the girl's embrace and firm hands held her shoulders. It hurt, but it was nothing compared to the disappointment Honoka felt when she saw who it really was.

"Oh it's you," she mutters lazily. The sunshine earlier fooled her love-sick self into thinking this blonde lady was her Kotori. _How foolish of me, Kotori's not here of course. She's with Umi-chan._

Kou sighs dramatically, "Is that what you say to your savior? You could've died." She lightly shook Honoka who was still in a daze. Honoka could not care less, her thoughts still on her ash-brunette friend. Kou noticed Honoka's forlorn expression and loosens her grip before bringing Honoka into her tight embrace. Her mouth choking out a sob. "Damn it I don't know what would've happened if you died."

"Kou-chan..." she mutters the name and felt the back of her blouse getting wet and Kou's grip tighten.

She shivered. "You idiot don't do that. Don't kill yourself. You're my only hope left." _What? Hope? Me? I...I'm hopeless._

Honoka held herself back on saying that, knowing that it would hurt Kou. _How did I know?_ _I just met her...but I feel like I've known her all my life._ Honoka thought. Honoka pushed it back, right now she wrapped her arms around Kou and returned the embrace.

* * *

It was moments later when Kou had stopped crying but she didn't latch herself off of Honoka. Honoka was rubbing small circles into Kou's back. _It feels so good._ She tightens her grip on the shorter girl, holding on for dear life. It was comforting, plus the fact that the gentle breeze and warm sunlight accompanied them. _Even though we just met, I feel like telling her everything..._

"I thought you were a dream," Honoka whispers. No response. "I thought I was too depressed that I dreamt or hallucinated that an angel, _you_ , lent me help with Kotori-chan..."

"An angel? Honoka, you still have a chance." Kou reassures her. The way she said it, it felt like she was so sure. _How can she be so positive...she's like me when I was still whoever I was before._

Honoka inhales deeply and continues stroking her back, "When I woke up...the feeling of Kotori-chan being so far away, it got worse. Maybe it was because you said all those things that got my hopes up."

"..."

Honoka dipped her head on the girl's shoulder blade, "I didn't know what I was thinking Kou-chan. Thank you. I might as well be dead without you here."

Kou's eyes were swimming around again. Her breath hitched in her throat, she had to know if, "...You still believe me right?" Kou asks as she slowly stands up straight. Honoka closed her eyes. _Do you? Kou said it herself, I'm not entirely hopeless...and I feel like believing her._

"Yes," she answers resolutely and fiery blue met her satisfied dark brown. _Those eyes, I miss them._

It was a blissful moment that both girls enjoyed. Sadly, that will be one of the last.

* * *

"Honoka, over here." Kou waves at the girl who had emerged from the school gates. "Kou-chan!" Honoka waves back and hugs the girl. "I thought I said not to wait up for me?" Kou took Honoka's bag from her and slung it over her shoulder. It has been two weeks since Honoka almost got hit by a car. Kou made a promise to accompany Honoka whenever she walks home alone but even on the occasions Kotori or Umi ask her to go home with them she chooses to go with Kou. Why? It's because with Kou she won't be a third wheel, plus Kou made her feel comfortable and whenever she's with her she forgets all her worries, and whenever they do talk about it hurt less. Kou made her feel comfortable and safe in the littlest of ways.

Honoka does spend time with Kotori and Umi, she goes to school with them, eat lunch with them and occasionally partner up with one of them during practices. Honoka still felt hurt but she knew and hoped that Kou will soon come up with a way to help her. That thought made it less painful for her.

"You did but I was bored in your room so I came here."

Honoka wiggled her eyebrows, "You're an expert at climbing up and down windows huh?-Ow!"

Kou let her fist rest above Honoka's forehead after hitting her, "That's what you get." Honoka pouts. "Anyways that's not the only reason. Here." Kou extends her hand out.

"A flower bouquet?" her eyebrows scrunched in confusion. _Why is Kou-chan giving me flowers?_ Her eyes widen, _it can't be-!_

"You're confessing today," Kou affirmed and forced the bouquet in Honoka's hands. Honoka brought them near to her face. _Roses? They smell good- wait...what?!_

"She's there. I sent her a note." Kou turns her around and pushes her back into the school. Honoka froze and turns back to the blonde, "Wait this is all too fast Kou-chan!" Honoka reasons. One minute, she was happy to see the girl and now her heart is beating so quickly and probably forcing its way out of her chest.

"Come on! I've been thinking about this for two weeks!" she goes to Honoka and whispers her plan. After doing so she stands upright and puffs her chest proudly, "See I told you! I'm a genius- ow!"

"Two weeks and you only got to give-flowers-and-confess?!"

Kou fought back, "Hey! Don't forget the scenery! That was pretty clever of me." Honoka sighs in disbelief. She thought about pushing it back for at least a few more days but the idea of confessing to Kotori in the school yard, particularly that giant tree and plainly confessing her love for her...Honoka blushes, _it's simple but meaningful._

"Fine...wait, what do I say!?" True, this was an impromptu confession planned by Kou so how the hell will she give a Friday Night Lights level of speech in like...no time at all?

"Tell her what you feel you, idiot!" Kou replies and above her hearty smile was her tearful eyes. _If this goes well I-_

Honoka nods and ran off. Flowers in hand. The determination in her eyes. And love in her heart. Everything she had kept inside, she'll finally let it go. _There's a huge risk,_ Honoka knew but remembering the high and lows in their friendship, they can make it through this. They love each other way too much to throw their friendship away from one confession.

Finally, she was going back to who she was before the crisis. She was carefree, happy and her life was overall spontaneous. It was like nothing could go wrong. _There's a chance Kotori-chan might like me._ Honoka remembers all those times Kotori gave her hope, giving her chocolates almost every Valentines day, skipping school when she's sick (and vice versa) and other thins that Kotori did to make her heart flutter.

 _What am I so pessimistic about?_ she thought. Before she made a turn she looked back to the school entrance, wishing to do her 'faito-dayo' pose to her but Kou was gone from that spot, making Honoka stop dead in her tracks. _Where is she?_ Kou was gone again...maybe...maybe she is a guardian angel. _My guardian angel._ She smiles. Thank _you, Kou._ and Honoka broke out into a run again, all the while with a smile on her face. She passed by the student council, almost tripping at Eli's foot.

"Honoka!" she shouts, ready to scold but the girl didn't look back..."Geez that Honoka..."

Nozomi emerges from the room, "Give her some slack Elichi~"

"Wh-"

Nozomi turns Eli's head just in time to see Honoka turn to the corner. She was smiling. _She's happy._ "It's better than earlier right?" Eli nods and the two of them left to go home. Honoka arrived at the corridor leading to the courtyard. It was where she, Kotori and Umi always ate their lunch. It was where they would exchange their stories and do all sorts of things together. She holds the bouquet and took a deep breath. _It's now or never._

"Kotori-chan, I have something to confess. I love you. Your voice, your eyes, your hair, your smile, your personality. I love them all. Of course, there are more but we would get locked in this school if I were to list them all hahaha. What I'm saying is, if you feel the same...will you be my girlfriend?" Honoka extends the flower. "Yep, that's great. Okay, let's do this. Faito-dayo!" She takes a step forward-

"Kotori, I'm here for you." Honoka froze. _Kou said it was only Kotori-chan, what's Umi-chan doing here?_ In that not so far distance, she saw Kotori and Umi hugging, shaded by the tree. _I'm supposed to confess there right?_

"It hurts Umi-chan. It hurts so much." Honoka's chest felt heavy, _did the air leave this place or is it just me finding it hard to breathe?_ Her lungs felt like it was going to get crushed by a megaton of rocks.

She barely heard the doors open and a figure stood beside her. "Cold's feet Honoka-chan?" No response. Honoka not moving made Kou curious. She looked where Honoka's eyes were staring. Her eyes widened in shock. _Not good. I have to get Honoka-_

"Umi-chan..."

Kou held Honoka's wrist at that moment, "Honoka let's go." she says sternly with a hint of worry. Yet Honoka won't budge. She was practically glued to the floor. _I have to see this._ Honoka's heart was screaming to leave but her mind and body stood still. Suddenly every single doubt she had on Kotori came flooding in. Suddenly her life was back to the shadows, dull and painful. The Honoka she thought was coming back got locked out again. Kept deep within herself and restrained from coming out.

"Honoka!" Kou whisper-yells, still trying to get Honoka out of this place as soon as she could. She couldn't bear to see Honoka see this. She's been through enough. _I'm sorry,_ Kou apologized.

Two words. Two syllables. It took only that to break Honoka. To completely shatter the hope Kou placed in her heart.

 _"I know this is out of the blue but...I'll help you."_

 _"Listen Honoka! You're just as amazing, talented and beautiful as Umi!"_

 _"This is not you Honoka!_ You used _to be straightforward remember? That's who you are. You don't stop, you don't quit until you get your feelings across. Why are you holding back now?!"_

 _"What if she doesn't feel the same and-"_

 _"Or what if she does?!"_

 _"An angel? Honoka, you still have a chance."_

 _"...You still believe me right?"_

 _"Tell her what you feel you, idiot!"_

 _"There's a chance Kotori-chan might like me."_

 _"We'll get through this."..._

 **"Kiss me,"** Kotori said without batting an eyelash.

"What-!" Umi was surprised when Kotori tightened her grip on her waist and their lips were close...closer. Umi shut her eyes tightly and held on Kotori's shoulders.

 _Creak._

Kotori and Umi looked at the direction of the sound but no one was there but they did see something. Lying on the ground, not so far away from them was a pair of shattered glasses and a ruined bouquet.

* * *

 **Sorry if it's depressing. But don't worry this is no KotoUmi fan fiction. We'll all be happy happy again soon HonoKoto fans :) Again chapter 1 was updated (07/08/2017) Again I'm really sorry if it's badly written. T.T Please leave reviews :)**


	3. Feelings

**Okay I'm back with chapter three and now I shall read your reviews :)**

 **Kyla124 : Thank you for your review :) Well who doesn't feel bad for a heartbroken Honoka...or any μ's character in general. Honestly, it was hard to write this, my heart (TT)**

 **OuMiyuki : Hmm~ Can you tell me why you think Kotori's Kou? I just want to know (0~0) please? and oh yeah your reaction was the same as mine when I read ****_She Does Not Remember_ (TT) Hehe, you will not wait any longer Miyuki-san ;) Actually I was supposed to post this story before VW but I cannot help it (~) HonoKoto, HonoUmi and HonoMaki are my main Hono(μ's) ships! Yeah maybe it's because we love Honoka more...and all the girls tie for second :P**

 **windblue : Tbh, I wasn't too sure about my plot line. I think of myself as specializing in angst and drama really but I wanted it to exceed what was my current standard in these two haha. Thank you for your comment and here's the third chapter!**

 **For ALL readers: If you're wondering why Honoka's acting like an opposite of her positive, straightforward self, think about it like this. Honoka loves Kotori (romantically) when the crisis took place. Before the whole crisis happened Honoka didn't really notice Kotori's weird behaviour (from her talk with Umi) and then that really tear-jerking Kotori speech before running away made Honoka realize how she hurt her so badly and at the same time realize how Kotori loved her so much (that she wished it was Honoka who knew first). On the second season, Honoka initially refused to join Love Live right? Maybe it's like almost 'losing Kotori' opened her eyes. She became (too) careful and observant of others and I just added a darker twist that all of this changed Honoka (like she acts all the same on the outside but is secretly pessimistic about her love life) and that she likes Kotori but doesn't want to tell her in order not to hurt Kotori more than she already did and at the same time save their decade-long friendship from falling apart.** **That's all, hope it's clear for you guys.**

* * *

Honoka was mad. Sad. Over all heartbroken. She kept walking, each step heavier than the previous one. She didn't care about Kou's pleas to wait for her, they were practically drowned by her own thoughts. _Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me._ Kotori's words repeated in her head like a mantra, and not the good kind as those words weren't directed at her.

Honoka knew she shouldn't make such a big deal out of it but she did. You wouldn't ask someone you don't like to do that right? In Honoka's simplistic and practical way of thinking it spelled one thing alone, _Kotori-chan likes Umi-chan._

She didn't really see them do it but they were about to, Umi was ready to. Honoka shut her eyes, fresh tears following the trail of the previous ones. The image of Kotori and Umi kissing proved unbearable. Too much unbearable. The feelings were mutual, it seemed and it broke Honoka's heart further. Yet she couldn't bring to blame her. Or Umi. Or herself. She had already given up after all... _oh right._ Her ears perk up at the sound of increased pace of walking behind her. Kou. She gave her hope when she knew there weren't really one in the first place.

Kou was getting tired so she decided to give one last loud shout, "Honoka!"

"What?" she took a step back when she heard cold words coming from Honoka's mouth. The latter had turned her head sidewards and it made Kou's blood run dry. She swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to get the words she had been meaning to say out of her mouth.

"If you have nothing to say I'm going." Honoka continued walking on which made Kou scared. Scared that this is how it will all end. Again.

No matter how hard it was for her to speak, with her own emotions running wild inside her she knew she had to say it, "I'm sorry-"

"What?" Honoka stood still in her place making Kou stop as well. She knew Honoka heard her the first time but w-

"You're saying you're sorry? After placing that nonsensical hope inside me?"

Silence. Kou didn't know what to say. All the while she thought it would go the way she wished it to be. _I guess I still believe in fairy tale_ _s._ "Honoka," she started, right now she has to choose her words right in order not to hurt Honoka and herself more

 _I'll fix this,_ "you can still make it right," _yes, isn't that right?_ "there must have been a misunderstanding-!"

"I give up. I'm done Kou-chan. Umi has clearly won." came the ginger head's cold and aloof reply. _Done? Give up?_ _No, you're here to make things right. I cannot be like her. She cannot be like me. I have to save her._

Kou was left in shambles. Her thoughts were disoriented and her emotions were eating her up. Memories of her life for the past decade, memories of how she felt when everyone's moving on with life while she pretended she was going along with them. Memories of how that one letter broke her further.

"No, we can make this right. I could-" _I could make things right!_

The two of them were not different, Honoka too was in a bad mental state. It was as if her mind was making fun of her by repeating Kotori's words and imagining a future where Kotori's happy. And she was not the cause of that happiness. _Why is life so cruel?_ _Why can't I be loved by the one I love?_

Out of anger and pain, Honoka shouted, "Why do you care about my love life so bad?!"

"Why does it affect you so much?! Why do you badly want me to end up with Kotori-chan?!" It had been bugging her since day one but that false hope shrouded that thought for a while and now that she was awakening herself to the 'truth' she was letting herself go all out at once.

She didn't care about the stares of the occasional passerby. Two girls shouting and crying like they both felt pain. Pain from the loss of a loved one it seemed. No, they both didn't care. _I cannot help her, no Kou! You could, isn't that why you're here?!_

 _Kotori will never love me. Stop being so pessimistic- no don't shut me out Honoka!_

 _Don't leave me!_ their minds lashed out as they continued with their debate.

"Can't you see? I lost, the game is over and I lost. Kotori won't ever see me like that." Honoka choked out a sob. _Yeah, we're done even when we never even began. I guess this is what losing before even trying means._

 _Kotori won't ever see me like that._ Those words fueled a thought inside Kou. One she didn't want to entertain because she knew it will make her cry. It will break her once again.

 _I loved you. No, I still love you. But it's too late._ _I'm moving on._ she wrote _. That one piece of paper hidden behind their wedding invitation. Her last goodbye._ Kou's eyes swelled with tears. _I cannot hold it in anymore. I'm weak, like how I've always been. No wall of defense can hold out the real me._ Kou felt angry, at herself and at Honoka. Kou felt self-hate that even after ten years she felt the same as when she was still fifteen.

"...Kou...chan...?" came Honoka's surprised and worried reply when she saw Kou's tears flowing like a broken faucet. "Wh-"

"Stop seeing love as a game!" Kou's broken and shaking voice resounded to Honoka's ears.

"You're asking me why I care so badly? Because I myself was in your situation! I had a crush on my best friend and I never got to tell her! Now she's living happily with our best friend while me? I never got over her, after ten years it still hurts and then I learned the other day that she still loves me but I don't have a chance anymore...but you still do! Don't waste that you idiot! Don't waste that while she's still by your side!" Honoka felt the weights in her heart growing heavier and heavier from Kou's words and they weren't from guilt. They were something else. It was as if she related herself from Kou's pain.

"Kou..."

The blonde shook her head and turned around. _I have to go see her._ "No, don't say it. Don't say it. Don't apologize. I...I just don't want things to end up the same. I wanted to know...if..." _if it was possible that..._ Kou took a step forward. And another, until she broke off into a run that Honoka was left behind in shock.

Honoka felt like crying more. The way Kou had felt, she felt it too. It was weird but it was also painful. It was as if she had experienced those things alongside Kou and it was also killing her like some heartless person ripped out her organs slowly and painfully until she was empty and lifeless inside. _Is that who Kou really is?_ she thought. Empty. Lifeless. Dead. Is that the real Raise Kou behind all those laughter and happiness?

 _I don't want to end up like that_. _But Kotori- no, I have to stop being like this and think about myself more again..._ "I'll have to be who I really am to do this." she mumbles before continue walking back home, she knew she had to apologize later to Kou but right now, she has something else to attend to. This time she promises she'll communicate her feelings better.

* * *

Kou stopped running and looked around the neighborhood. She chuckles dryly. She felt thirsty and her eyes felt dry and puffy. _I've been crying so many times lately...and here I thought I won't be crying anymore. Life is no fairy tale. It's reality...huh?_

Kou looked up and stared at the second floorbedroom. She didn't know why but since before she always goes here when she feels sad or missing home. Her home that is far away from her. Her home that's leaving her. _Oh if I'm counting right, tomorrow's their wedding...that quick? Maybe I should go back...as painful as it is I'm still their best friend._

Kou sat down on the side walk and hugged herself. It was comforting being near at the same time so far away. Whatever, she'll enjoy it while it lasted.

"Excuse me?" Kou looked up and again she felt like tears coming out of her eyes. "Hey." she managed to reply.

* * *

Honoka had come home in haste. From her peripherals she had seen a flash of an Otonoki uniform worn by someone who was standing beside her home but she didn't give it that much thought since she lived near the school and went into the house. She was so quick that her parents and sister didn't even hear her come in until the loud bang of a door being shut resounded the whole house.

"I'm home!" Honoka shouted as she stripped off her school clothes. One last time, she'll confess and this time whatever the answer is she'll have to take it in. Something that Kou had never done. Maybe if she did it she'll relieve the stress off her shoulders, both from the secret of her love for Kotori and at the same time from the burden of Kou's feelings.

Honoka took out a piece of paper and a pen and wrote down a simple letter. It was way more simpler than what she initially planned but it was going to work. _Yeah it will._ She smiled as she wrote the words she had been meaning to write.

Honoka finished a little bit into the night. She settled down her pen beside the paper and quickly folded the paper before tucking it in a green envelope. She stretched her arms and legs, "I'm tired..." she yawned and her head turned to the window. Something about the night sky drew her in and she walked towards it and opened the windows.

The cold rush of the wind slapped her face in full force but she didn't mind. Tomorrow, everything will be out in the open. The ginger head felt like squealing and shouting to get rid of the nervousness inside her. The previous pessimism-ridden girl was now less that and more optimistic, just like how she was before the whole crisis happened.

"Honoka?" she looked down and saw a black fedora covering someone's face. She would have not recognized her immediately if it weren't for the blonde locks accented by the shining moonlight. The girl seemed fine now, in fact she was smiling. _I wonder what happened._ Honoka thought but she pushed it aside, she had to apologize first.

"I'm sorry Kou-chan!" Honoka shouted.

Kou brought her index finger up, "Shhh! You'll wake everyone up." even as she reprimanded Honoka she was still smiling.

Honoka brought her hand up in a 'V' sign. "You look happy." they both said in unison before giggling silently.

Honoka looked around, "Come up here." she opened the windows wider and she swore she saw a bit of panic in Kou's eyes.

"What?"

"Didn't you enter here when we first met?" Honoka tilted her head slightly and really Kou looked scared. No, terrified. Whatever it is, Honoka didn't know.

"A-Ah...that..." Kou uttered nervously. She cannot believe that karma attacked her in a really funny way. _I hope those three months of stunt seminars would keep my bones in place or at least...alive._ "Wait! It might be dangerous because you did that in the afternoon and it's night time..." Honoka pondered, "wait how did you not get caught in broad daylight.

The blonde took a step back, _I'm not going to get caught this way. Idiot Kou! Idiot!_ "Y-Yeah it might be more dangerous...so I'll just enter through the front door...please open it for me." she sighed in relief. _Thank goodness, I didn't really attend all the stunt seminars...I mean I did...just for one day._ It took a bit of tip-toeing and sneaking around until Kou and Honoka made it back to the latter's room without waking up her parents and sister. Right now the two of them are lying on Honoka's bed and giggling about their 'spy-like' sneaking around skills.

"God you're clumsy Honoka."

Honoka pushed Kou by her shoulder, "Speak for yourself! We're the same!"

The older woman shook her head and after a few more minutes of joking around, the hearty atmosphere died down around them knowing what's next to come. They didn't really mind talking about it since both of them did have something good happen to them in the past hour.

"This day really is a roller coaster for you Honoka, huh?" the leader of Muse nodded. First she was all happy from the possibility of her first confession going well, then that really hard-to-watch moment with Kotori and Umi, that emotional argument with Kou, then that moment she decided to give love one more try and now this. It was really a roller-coaster and Honoka's glad she lived through most of it. _There are more to come but for now, I'll enjoy this bliss._

"Now would you mind telling me why you look better than earlier-" Kou halted, "Ah, I forgot to apologize, I didn't mean to tell you my problems-"

"It's okay Kou-chan!" Honoka smiled, "I should be the one to apologize after all...I was insensitive and I pinned all those horrible things to you...I guess sometimes I still have that habit of thinking about myself more and I'm sorry."

The blonde smiled and, considering they were lying face to face to each other, she brought a hand up to Honoka's forehead and let the girl's ginger locks dance around her fingertips. Honoka closed her eyes and she could feel herself falling asleep if Kou didn't stop doing that to her hair.

"It's not your fault you love yourself Honoka." Kou reassured her and continued stroking Honoka's hair.

"...Kou-chan?" the former whispered. She hummed a response.

"I'm going to confess tomorrow." Stop.

"I'm going to give this one more try. Whatever Kotori-chan's answer will be...I'll accept it." Honoka said determiningly.

Kou smiled and continued stroking Honoka's hair.

"How about you Kou-chan...?"

"Me?" Kou repeated to which Honoka nodded to. _It doesn't matter anymore._ "It's nothing."

"Hey there you go again with the 'it's nothing." Honoka pouted.

"Really there is nothing to tell you."

"Don't believe you."

"Really."

"Not."

"Really."

"Not."

Kou didn't reply anymore knowing this argument will never end. "Wait!" Honoka sat up and Kou looked at her confusingly.

"How long have you been standing outside earlier?!"

"Huh?"

"Well I was a bit worried that you'd get lost in the neighborhood and I think I saw someone from Otonoki stop by our house earlier...wait did someone from Otonoki guide you back to Homura?!"

Once again she was replied with a "Huh?"

"Why didn't you go home immediately!? That was like hours ago!"

"What?" Kou didn't know what Honoka was saying really- "Ah that...um...yeah that's the truth I don't really know my way around here unless it's from here to your school plus..." she smiled, "Yeah, a student from Otonoki led me back here, thankfully."

"Ehhh?! You gotta tell me who she is!" Honoka shook the older woman who had seemed to be preparing to sleep.

"It's nothing."

"Is she the reason you're so happy right now?!"

"It's nothing."

"I'm so curious! Is it Umi-chan?"

"Go to sleep Honoka."

"Is it Kotori-chan?"

"...Nope."

"You paused!"

"It's not her really."

"I hate you Kou-chan!"

* * *

 **If you guys want to understand this one better I guess you'll have to use those detective work to find out who they all are. Except for Honoka.** **All the explanations will be done by next chapter or the next next chapter. Also this fanfic is about to end (T*T) I might edit this one again in the near future. Stay updated peeps. Also for those guessing who Kou is please tell me why you think so :) But I guess this chapter is a giveaway XD**


	4. Two Of One Person

I'm going to be announcing a little something below so be ready :) also let's assume Honoka and Kotori are 15 years old. **If it's italic and there's no horizontal line then it's narrated to Honoka but if it has horizontal lines then it's Kotori's flashbacks.**

OuMiyuki: Ooh that's a nice theory really (0~0) Well, I'll be revealing that in this chapter so no point in explaining anymore. Plus you could read my end note for more details about that :)

TheNightStriker: I don't mind the vulgar languages trust me (0~0) and yes well I cannot explain anymore because I have arranged a little challenge for you guys down below :) Thanks for the review and hope you'll like this chapter!

Kyla124: Thank you! (0~0) Well the wait's over, *drum rolls* I'll be cliff-hanging you guys more in this chapter *evil laugh*

KoyoriYume: Man, this chapter is not angst anymore :) but the next chapters might ;) kidding (?...) but I hope that roller coaster feelings of yours are a good kind T.T Here's the 4th chapter! And please read the end note :) It has more regarding the identity of Kou

Kakashi00521: Thank you! Honestly, I was a bit nervous in posting this because yeah, it's true I'm not a native English speaker and also because I'm only in 9th grade but I've been writing since grade five (and it hurts my head when I read my previous FFs but it improved I tell you that, no more unnecessary sudden plot changes :) . Anyways thank you again Kakashi-san! You gave me a boost into finishing this chapter :) It had been idle for two weeks and I finished like 55% of it after I read your comment :) Hope you'll like it!

* * *

Honoka woke up in her bedroom as the day broke. The sun was just rising from the east, the wind blew gently, enough for the leaves to sway and the birds harmoniously chirp from tree branches. The light chatter outside that is not at all annoying anymore. All the nice things around her made her feel confident and at the same time terrified. Yes, she's being optimistic but she cannot ignore the possibility of rejection. What added to her uneasiness is the loss of her cuddle buddy from last night. The ginger head sighs. _Kou-chan must love sneaking out in the morning._

"Well!" She pushed back the thoughts on Kou and stood up. She did a few stretches to calm her jittery and frenzied body. She stares at her study table's mirrors. She focused on her reflection, determined eyes yet it was flinching from time to time and smiling lips but also quivering. She's nervous really nervous. _Kotori-chan might reject me. Kotori-chan might-_

 _"...You still believe me right?"_ Kou's uncertain words that day made her snap out of her pessimistic mantra. _This whole thing started when she came to my house...well broke in I guess. Kou-chan made me realize again and again who I (should) really am, made me realize that I shouldn't compare myself to others because I am different from them. Made me see_ _other alternatives when I was thinking so narrowly when it came to Kotori-chan's feelings to me. I brought myself too low and somewhere along the way I lost sight of myself._

"I still believe you," she said to no one in particular before going out of her room. _It's going to be alright, right?_

 _Ring. Ring. Ring._

Honoka took her vibrating phone out of her pocket and she internally screamed at the sight of the caller's name. She stops by a nearby shop and answers the phone, "Hello?" her normal cheery voice masked her panicking and hysterical mental Lil' Honkers.

"Ah, Honoka-chan?" she swore if she took that 'you're a hot ball of energy' pun literally she would explode!

"Y-Yeah?" _'Dang it', Honoka beats up another Honoka, 'Why did your voice have to quiver?'_

"Wait Umi-chan- Honoka!" the latter flinches and pulls the phone away from her ears at her friend's loud scolding voice. "You should have told us if you were going on ahead! Kotori and I were waiting you know!"

Honoka chuckles nervously, _I should've left them a text or something, hope this won't get my ears impaled from my head with Umi-chan's 20-minute scolding.,_ "I'm sorry Umi-chan, I just had something to do and it required me to go to school earlier. I should've left you a message but I forgot hehe!"

The bluenette was unresponsive for a while before she spoke, "...Fine. I and Kotori will be on our way then." and with that, she hung up. Honoka lays her back on the pillar and sighs, "Me and Kotori...huh..." _Ugh, don't let your jealousy get in the way now Honoka! There must be an explanation and with this, you'll finally get some closure and move on! Right?_

Honoka covers her mouth and lets out a muffled scream. The nervousness, fear of rejection, thoughts of Kotori and jittery feelings made it impossible for her to keep it inside like how she usually did before. She thought that the scream would help release off some stress but it added more as her mind went into overdrive. _I can. I can't. I have. No. Yes. Now. Never._

"Honoka?" dark brown eyes stared worriedly deep between her own. The slight pain from the grip on her shoulder made her feel that these feelings were real. They were very much real and this was happening.

"Kou-chan..." the ginger head's voice croaked out and was immediately pulled into the embrace of the taller girl's arms. "It's okay," Kou repeated over and over on Honoka's ear. Honoka slid her arms around Kou's waist to close the space between them. "Kou-chan what should I do?"

"Confess, that's what you do." the blonde girl responded quickly without hesitation.

"But!" Honoka protested, "If I get rejected I-"

"You are confessing to the girl you love Honoka. That girl you've had your eye on for some time. That girl you earnestly love to the point it pains you. You ought to think of every bad possibilities and outcome but that shouldn't hinder you from your intentions: to confess." Kou stops short and breathes heavily on top of Honoka's head. "Rejection might hurt, damn it the pain may make you want to die but it is nothing compared to carrying that million hows and what ifs the rest of your life. With a rejection you'll die every day until you learn to let go but..." Kou bit her lip, "n-not confessing at all will kill you for a life time...remember that."

"Kou-chan..." Honoka looks up and Kou turns away and lowers her head. "Wish you happiness with your confession Honoka...you..." she sniffs and clutched her heart before running away.

Amidst everything nice, the sun that had risen from the east leaves dancing with the wind and birds harmoniously chirping...Honoka could hear Kou's distant cries and the screams of her crushed heart. Maybe not all things are supposed to be nice. That's what makes this a reality.

* * *

Once she arrived in the academy, Honoka opened her shoe locker lazily and took out her indoor shoes. She cannot help but worry about Kou. Halfway through her words of encouragement...it felt like she was not talking about Honoka anymore. It felt like she was talking about someone else that's almost or more miserable than she is. Honoka can't help but feel curious about who that person is.

"Honoka-chan!"

"Honoka!" her two best friend's voices echoed behind her and she turns and gives them a forced smile.

"Good morning you two!" she looks at them, Kotori looked like she was avoiding Honoka's eyes while Umi looked like how she usually did except that defensive aura of hers was more prominent around her. Honoka made a mistake of her eyes drifting lower. Their hands tightened around each other, mostly Umi, Kotori looked like she was about to break down. Right now Honoka felt like an outsider and the sudden thick silence around them made it much didn't like it. Her mind cannot help but wander off to what she almost saw yesterday. _Maybe they're together? Maybe Kotori's going through something? Something that she could only trust Umi-chan with and not me._

 _"Confess, that's what you do."_

"Well!" Honoka breaks the tensed atmosphere surrounding the three of them and jumped to Umi's side, rather than going in the middle. "Let's go!"

* * *

It was the end of their classes for the whole day and the moment Honoka had planned for yesterday was approaching. It was simple, drop off the letter in Kotori's shoe locker and wait on the rooftop. Yet it was also not so easy. Since the morning Honoka started questioning herself again with confessing which started when she saw the intertwined hands of Umi and Kotori and every moment the two shared. Honoka tried not to be a baby about it, Umi has every right to befriend Kotori and so did she but it still pains her when all she sees in Umi is an imagination of the latter kissing Kotori. Umi's a good friend, the one that always looks out for both of them and now Honoka feels like any more of this jealousy will be bad on her relationship with the archer.

The only saving grace today was Kou's words from earlier on. Honoka stopped in front of her best friend's shoe locker. _Just put the letter in and get it over with._ said half of her conscience. _Don't, confessing won't do you any good._ the other half said. Honoka shut her eyes and balled her fists, crumpling the letter a bit. _Kou-chan, help!_

 _"Not confessing at all will kill you for a lifetime. Remember that,"_ she recalled Kou's words and gulped. She didn't know what that could mean, this was the first time she had to face this kind of decision. She doesn't know what will happen next and that terrified her.

 _"This is not you Honoka! You used to be straightforward remember?"_ The Honoka that didn't care about the future and chose to live in the moment. She wished to be like that again. What she did until now was not living anymore and she will change that.

 _So this time._ Honoka placed the letter on the small gap of the locker and slid it in. _I'll be living in the present_ _. Whatever Kotori-chan will think of me is not for me to guess...I will await it in the future. The real one and not my imaginations._

The school was emptying up as she gazed out below her. She held onto the fence tightly that she was sure it will leave a mark. The moment is about to come when Kotori gets here and I have to be ready for it.

 _Creak._

Honoka flinched at the sound. She didn't know why but she wished at the same time didn't want that whoever opened the door was Kotori.

"Honoka-chan?" the latter turns around and she stood frozen. Her heart was beating fast and the words she had thought of saying earlier jumbled in her brain. There Kotori stood, her physical being accented by the light of the setting sun, holding the opened letter she read that led her there.

"Hey." Honoka croaked out before smiling. She let go of the fence and walked to Kotori and looked at her. She looked gorgeous. Everything about Kotori, for Honoka, is ginger head carefully raised her arms and hugged her ash brunette friend. _Kotori feels so warm._ She thought as she tightened her grip on the girl's waist. _I wonder how we'll be after this, Kotori-chan_. Honoka felt the girl slowly drape her arms around her as well, bringing the two of them closer to each other. The two of them did not utter a word, basking in the silence and warmth of the other's company. _I never thought that I missed Kotori till now. When was the last time we hung out? Walked home together? Spent time at each other's house? I don't remember._ Honoka she wished those moments never ended, how she wished she didn't fall this deep for Kotori then all of these wouldn't have happened. Well, it doesn't matter anymore.

"Kotori." The ginger head called out. Her hands started shaking, her clothes seemed to stick all over her and her heart beat out of her chest like a madman trying to get out of an asylum. The letter. Kotori read it. She could lie and tell that it was a joke and run away, she could tell the truth. The truth-

"I meant everything I said in that letter." and just like that, months of vent up feelings have been shown and every drop of tear she cried seen. Honoka tried her best to fight back her tears and how she wished that Kotori won't push her away from knowing that. _I guess I'll be walking home alone from now on._ Her shoulders slump at the thought but she wasn't finished. She had more to say. Something she didn't directly tell through her confession letter.

Honoka gulped a huge amount of saliva, "I really really love you Kotori-chan but if your happiness is not with me, I under-" she stops midway when she felt Kotori's body tremble and she was crying. Is it because of fear that Honoka's feelings are a burden to their friendship? Or is it because she's overjoyed. That Honoka did not know. She brings her hand up to stroke the girl's beautiful silky ash-brown stresses as she muttered, "Please don't be sad..." over and over.s much as she didn't want to, the cerulean eyed girl pulled away and wiped away her friend's tears. "I'm not worth your tears. I'm just Lil' old Honoka who can never match up to someone worthy of you." she bitterly chuckles and covered her eyes with one hand. Her smiling lips contradicted her tearful eyes. Now that everything is out in the open, Honoka could only hope, wish and pray that nothing will change between them.

As much as she didn't want to, the cerulean eyed girl pulled away and wiped away her friend's tears. "I'm not worth your tears. I'm just Lil' old Honoka who can never match up to someone worthy of you." she bitterly chuckles and covered her eyes with one hand. Her smiling lips contradicted her tearful eyes. Now that everything is out in the open, Honoka could only hope, wish and pray that nothing will change between them. They would still go home together, joke around about life, Kotori would still listen to her problems and unlike before Kotori would share hers too. How Honoka hoped. Really hoped.

"Honoka-chan...you idiot." _Huh?_ the said-girl thought. She slowly uncovered her eyes with curiosity mixed with slight anxiety and stared at Kotori who was still recovering from being a crying mess.

"Who said I didn't feel the same way about you?" the ash brunette smiles as she gave up on wiping away the tears and let them flow down her cheeks like a dysfunctional dam.

"What?" _Then what was that with Umi yesterday?_

"So you were there..." Honoka immediately clasped her mouth. She must have said her thoughts out loud. "I- Uhm..." Honoka struggled to find an excuse to Kotori's words. She was prepared to run away when soft hands intertwined her own.

"Let me explain."

 _~Eleven years ago~_

 _This was before I met you Honoka. I wasn't really sociable as a child if you remember. No one dared to approach me because I was the daughter of a principal. It was really lonely, I never had any friends that lasted longer than a week so I usually spent my day inside our house then there came a day my mom suddenly wanted me to go outside and play._

Kotori giggled at the memory, _I remember whining so much that my mom had to struggle to get me ten feet away from my bedroom but I didn't regret it. Because that day was when I met you._

 _That one child that had everyone as her friends. You were the opposite of me that time and I adored you. The upcoming days I went to the park with no hesitation, just to see you being well...you. I always thought I'll just be watching you from afar until..._

 _"Hi!" My little-shocked self-turned around and saw you. I could never forget how you looked that time, all covered in mud._

Honoka pouts, she honestly felt better after hearing that Kotori remembered their first memory together but, "I wish you forgot that bit."

"You're important to me. How can I forget the little things about you?" Honoka blushes. _"Want to play?"_

 _"Me?" and you nodded. That time I didn't know why you bothered to approach me, the little quiet girl that everyone ignored or walked pass on._

"I cannot ignore a cute Kotori you know." Kotori gives Honoka a slight push, "Don't cut me off." _Then that was how you and I became friends. You were my first real friend Honoka-chan, the one who stood by me through everything. I loved you since then but I didn't know it that time._

"So you loved me since then?" Honoka cannot help but ask the now blushing Kotori. "Stop teasing me~" the girl with the little bird namesake poked her friend's shoulder making the girl move one step back. Honoka smiled, a genuine one this time. It was funny how they managed to tease around a bit after crying so much.

 _Now, now Honoka-chan I only started realizing my unquenchable love for you when we were in our first year of high school. I started wanting to be around you more, a bit jealous whenever you and Umi-chan get a bit too close and all that..._ Kotori turns away, embarrassed. _And that's how Umi-chan knew I liked you. One time when we went to your house to study and you ended up sleeping (again) I asked Umi-chan if...if she had feelings for you._

Honoka started grinning wildly like an idiot while Kotori burned up like a wild fire, "Oh~ - wait why did you ask that? I don't get it." Kotori almost face-palmed if it weren't for the almost romantic and meaningful moment they were having right now. Sometimes she could really forget that she loves a dense girl.

 _I-I wanted to know if I got any competitors okay! I wouldn't mind it though because I'm always fine watching you from far away but- Ah! I don't know! Anyways Umi-chan said that what she felt for you was only platonic in every way even if she acted like a nagging girlfriend. Then we talked some more until it led to me confessing that I love you to her. She was really bashful about it mind you but she told me to confess._ _She told me that it would all be worth it considering it's you of all people. You were worth all of my time. No, you are still worth all of my time. Then the crisis happened. I really did want to go to you first and I wanted to know too how hurt you'd feel if you learned that Umi-chan knew first or how much you won't care. I really wished I knew that and I did. I realized how much you cared when you abandoned all your reservations and chased me in the airport. I knew how much I meant to you like you did to me_ _. And like before...I was contented watching you from far away...that was until you started changing._

Honoka looked down, "So you noticed huh..." so it wasn't only her or Kou that noticed her change of behavior...even the girl she wanted to hide it from the most known.

"Of course I did! We've been friends for a decade Honoka-chan, you cannot hide anything from me like I can't from you," Kotori stops to catch her breath, "Yet you tried to, you kept on trying to, you never told me anything anymore just when I thought that everything was going okay. Just when I affirmed that you cared so much about me you started not being yourself...it was too much for me...I wanted to ask what's bothering you but me being myself didn't help at all. Don't you know how much it hurts being both your close friend and secret admirer when you're like that?!"

The ginger head could feel the urge to cry again. _I was being selfish. Always telling myself that I'll hurt Kotori-chan if I told the truth when I've been hurting her by hiding it all. I'm really an idiot._

Kotori felt a bit of weight lifted off of her when she said all those things. She wanted everything to stay the same too. Standing beside Honoka, letting her feelings be pressed deeper within her. That's just how she is, she's contented being by the sidelines. But ever since Honoka started changing, she started doubting herself that she could stay on the sidelines any longer.

* * *

"What is it you wanted to talk about Kotori?" Umi-chan asks as she sat down on my bed while I placed the tray of snacks on my table. "Is it about Honoka again?"

I shyly nod. _Lately, I've been wondering if I've been bothering Umi-chan with all the decisions I have to make but I don't know what to do. Honoka-chan started straying farther away from her usual self, no matter how hard she tried hiding it and I wanted to help her out if I could._

"I'm worried Umi-chan."

"Me too Kotori...but what can we do? She won't open up to anyone, even to the others." I and Umi-chan recalled yesterday's practice when the girls all took turns to talk with Honoka. We thought that at least Nozomi-chan could get something out of Honoka-chan but alas, nothing.

Umi-chan places her hand on my own, squeezing it tightly, "Don't think about it too much. I've been considering about something for a while...if she doesn't want to tell us anything...if she doesn't want us to get involved in what she's dealing with now then...I guess let her be?" she looks up and stares into my eyes intently, "But I think you won't do that. No, you won't do that. I'm sorry but whatever you want to do next is not in my power to say." her grip on my hand loosened until she placed her hand on her lap.

"Wait, what did you tell Honoka? Did you tell her I was coming over?"

I shook my head and bit my lips, "I lied. I told her I was going with oka-san." I didn't want to lie to Honoka-chan, I almost said the truth when I saw how she looked earlier today but she obviously cannot be here when we're talking about her. I look at my phone for any message. I didn't know why but I hoped for at least one text telling me she'd gone home safe. I must be crazy, those are things only done by coupled right? _And I and Honoka-chan aren't one. And I guess I'm no longer okay with it._

* * *

Honoka-chan was walking behind me and Umi today and I tried so hard to be subtle whenever I looked back. It felt empty whenever she's not by my side. Usually, she'll be taking the middle spot between me and Umi-chan but like the previous days, she positioned herself far from us. I felt a tap on my shoulder and I turned towards Umi-chan who was gesturing at my phone's screen while waving her own. I look down and saw the message.

 _From: Umi-chan_

 _If you're really worried pretend we're looking at your keychain or something._

 _Smart!_ I smiled and raised my phone while Umi-chan leaned a bit closer as we watched a heart breaking scene of the current real Kousaka Honoka.

* * *

"Honoka-chan!" I shouted and ran when I saw Honoka-chan almost get hit by a speeding car from afar.

 **"Is that...You could've died."** I stop dead in my tracks when I saw a girl, no a woman, holding Honoka-chan. I never met her in my life and she looked a bit sketchy with the way she dressed up. _Does Honoka-chan know her?_ I didn't know what came over me but I hid behind a nearby tree. My heart was beating like crazy and at the same time it was aching whenever I saw that woman with Honoka-chan. Seriously who is she?

I broke out of my thoughts when the woman sobbed and hugged Honoka-chan, **"Damn it I don't know...happened if you died."**

 **"Kou-chan..."** I furrow my eyebrows. _So her name is Kou. It's the first time I heard that name but I doubt she and Honoka-chan met recently by the way she addressed her._

A few minutes went by and they just stood there, hugging. Damn it, a small part of me want to rip them apart but I have to see this. Maybe she has something to do why Honoka-chan had changed. Or maybe she knows. Or something. I felt uneasy, Honoka-chan was mumbling something to that girl.

 **"An angel? Honoka, you still have a chance."** _Huh? What chance? What angel?_

 **"When I woke up...the feeling...it got worse. Maybe it was because you said all those things that got my hopes up."** _Is Honoka-chan sick or something? What did this girl say to get her hopes up? Is she a doctor?_

I tried to get a clearer look of the girl Honoka was involved with but I can't see her face. _I have to be careful of this girl._

* * *

For the next few weeks, I had to watch in agony whenever she cancels our plans to go home with her 'cousin'. With their closeness and all I doubt that they are cousins...plus...she brings out the Honoka I wished all along...maybe I'll be contented again...contented to watch her from the sidelines.

I was packing my things up after a long day after school. Honoka-chan, like the days before, had already left. I felt a hand rub up and down my back in a comforting manner. I turned my head to the side and smiled lightly.

"Don't worry. Everything will be the same again, okay?" Umi-chan whispers before squeezing my shoulder lightly and left.

"I hope."

As I was leaving school grounds I saw them again. Honoka-chan was laughing, a genuine one. Her smile was twice bigger than it is when she's with us. My shoulders slump down. Why can't she be like that when she's with us? Why-

 **"Anyways that's not the only reason. Here."** My eyes widen when I saw that girl reach her hand out with a flower bouquet at hand. _Breaks._ My heart broke. I turn around and bit my lip. _Yeah, I should've seen it coming, she only acted the way she did when she's with her. Maybe that girl could give her the happiness she deserves, yeah Kotori, be contented._

My eyes were prickling with tears again as I ran inside the building again, _No I can't. I can't stand being a supporter, an option. I want to be the only choice. But maybe for Honoka-chan..._

 _"What I feel for Honoka doesn't exceed platonic levels."_ _Maybe that's who I am as well for Honoka. She cares and loves me but not in the way I want her too._

"Kotori?" I look up and saw Umi-chan standing beside the tree we usually ate lunch on. Seeing her reminded me about the possible likeness...likeness that Honoka-chan sees me as nothing more than a friend.

"Umi-chan!" I drop my bag and ran to her with open arms. I wailed and wailed as I succumbed into her embrace. It hurt, seeing Honoka-chan happy with someone else, possibly realizing that I'm just her friend. Her never-lover. Telling each other's troubles is a thing done by couples right? And me and Honoka-chan, like everything else I wished to be with her, are nothing. We are nothing. We'll always be nothing. In the end, I could never really stand being on the sidelines, I've been fooling myself for a decade and now I've woken up weeks too late.

I don't know how I'll get over this. I look up, Umi-chan. The girl who's always been with me. She's been with me for so long...maybe she could help me again. Maybe-, "Kiss me." _What's with me? Why am I pulling Umi-chan closer?_ Umi-chan closes her eyes tightly and held me by my shoulders. And pushed me away.

 _Creak._

We both turned to the direction of the sound and we saw no one there. Though there were two things there... _Wait where have I seen that bouquet before?_ I wasn't able to dwell more on the thought when I looked back at Umi-chan who looked agitated.

"This isn't right!" she says as she fans her reddening face. "Kotori you love Honoka!" I grit my teeth, _I do! Of course, I do!_

"But does she?! She likes that Kou girl or whatever! Please Umi-chan...just this once, make me feel better." I wanted to know what it feels like. Maybe I could love Umi-chan, maybe I could fall for someone who's not Kousaka Honoka.

Umi-chan sighs, "No you won't feel any better. Admit it that if I do kiss you right now, I won't be the one in your head, it won't be me you'll be thinking of when I kiss you, it will be Honoka. It will always be Honoka. Always have and always will. You cannot fall out of love so quickly, that's how life works Kotori. So stop this now Kotori and don't make this decision that you'll regret."

Umi-chan left quickly after that while I stayed a bit more to sort out my thoughts and as well as go closer to the two things on the floor. The sunglasses caught my interest and I don't know why but I took the item, I hope the owner won't get mad at me for it.

On the way home I had a lot of time to think, especially since I had no one to go home with. _I see, so this is how my life will be when Umi-chan and Honoka-chan leave me. I'll be left alone just because I am incapable of making my own decisions. Because I was a coward in denial._

I look up and was not so much surprised when I ended up at Honoka-chan's house. This is always my first stop before I go home, when was the last time we went home together? I don't remember? The last time I went to her room? I don't remember. Without Honoka-chan beside me, I feel like a piece of me is missing. She's been a huge part of my life, through my sorrow and happiness, my ups and downs, she was there. My first best friend and first love. Maybe also my greatest heartbreak.

* * *

The sun was almost close to setting down completely and the two girls have left the rooftop and went to a nearby park to sort their misunderstandings out. Right now, they were sitting side by side each other. Neither of them spoke a word. Either afraid to or unable to. Maybe both, they don't know.

Honoka knew she has the chance. If it all goes well, she'll be fine again. She'll be able to not worry so much about the world and be herself once more. She'll be able to live once more and she'll be lifted off the weight of her feelings for Kotori completely. Speaking of Kotori, she knew that she hurt the girl, maybe not as much as Kotori did to her or herself did to herself, but she wanted to get everything out in the open. She wanted to have someone to talk to about her everything and that person cannot be anyone other than Kotori and maybe Kou.

Kotori on the other hand finally felt at peace. Her feelings towards Honoka was reciprocated, meaning that she wasn't involved with Kou romantically. The issue with the bouquet, Honoka had to explain that. There are countless more things to get across between them but now that their feelings for each other are crystal clear, she knew it wouldn't be so hard because it isn't one-sided like she thought it was.

The ginger head girl's eyes slowly trail off to her best friend. The girl she has loved for the past years up till now is here beside her. Though she is yet to ask officially, she knew that she won't be alone anymore. She has Kotori. Her wonderful, kind and cute best friend. Just the thought of spending time - more time with Kotori made Honoka feel butterflies in her stomach.

Honoka unsurely took Kotori by the hand, surprising the girl. _Relax, it'll be the first of the many times you get to hold her close to you._ "Kotori-chan...let's stop hurting each other anymore..."

"Yeah..."

After a pause, Honoka continues, "We still have a lot of questions to ask and answer." Kotori nods.

"I'll be quite child-like and maybe annoy you to no end."

"I can't ever get annoyed with you." Kotori looks at her back and squeezes her hand firmly. Honoka smiles.

"I'll be so open to you you might regret ever wishing you knew my troubles...I'll be sharing with you my burdens and you'll share yours with mine...is that alright?"

"I won't like it any other way."

"I'll make you worry and I'll cause you trouble."

"You've always done that since we were children Honoka-chan. We'll be fine." Kotori lightly chuckles and so did Honoka."Well I guess I should officially say it now, Minami Kotori, will you be my girlfriend?"

"Well I guess I should officially say it now, Minami Kotori, will you be my girlfriend?"

Kotori smiles. Years of pining over Honoka, thinking that she never loved her back the same way she did was erased in a quick split of a second as she uttered the word, "Yes."

Honoka felt immense joy as she squealed and hugged Kotori tightly. "H-Honoka-chan I can't breathe!"

The latter felt so happy that she involuntarily ignored her girlfriend's warning as she jumps up and down. "I'm glad! I'm happy!" _I love you._ Honoka didn't know what to do, she was feeling so happy that it was uncontrollable and she had to let it out. Never in her years of loving Kotori did she ever think that Kotori would love her back. She never thought that she could hold Kotori closer than anyone had ever gone to do. She was the first and she hoped she'll also be the last. _Heh! Let's not think too much about the future Honoka! Let's live in the present!_

Despite being squeezed so tightly Kotori smiled at the sight of her lover being so happy. It made her feel the same, knowing that she could make Honoka the happiest she had ever seen the girl be. She did this, and that was better than being a supporter and watching from afar.

"Me too!"

* * *

It was almost evening when the girls decided to stroll around the park for a bit before going home. Holding hands, side by side, Kotori and Honoka cannot help but feel greater heights of joy, one they knew they could only feel through the other's presence. It was also then when Honoka's stomach just had to cut in.

"Um..." Kotori struggled to stifle a giggle from bursting out while Honoka blushed like crazy, "I'll get us some bread Honoka-chan." she pats the cute girl on the head and pecks the girl's cheek before scurrying off, a bit embarrassed she just did what she did.

The ginger head left behind, on the other hand, blushed crazier that it could possibly rival Maki's hair color. Honoka almost fainted when she thought that she'll be able to experience that and so much more with her beloved. She giggles at the thought.

"Well, well someone looks happy." Honoka turns around at the familiar voice. Still clad in her usual clothes, Kou stared straight ahead at her from a few meter distance.

"Kou-chan!" the ginger head disregarded the other night-walkers' attention to her as she pounced on the older girl. "Thank you! Thank you!" she repeats over and over while Kou turned her head side to side to apologize for the disturbance.

"I guess your confession went well?" Kou grins when Honoka nodded her head quickly like a puppy. Honoka then started elaborating more about her 'glorious' and 'brilliant' plan of confessing while Kou stood there, completely mum.

"Then it turned out that-"

"Honoka."

"Hmm?" the latter stops talking and soon realized the tears that were freely flowing down the girl's cheeks, "Kou-chan, you ok?"

The girl jolts and waves off, "I'm fine, I'm fine...these are tears of joy...um...could you continue telling your story? I want to hear all about it." the blonde girl sat down on the bench she and Kotori occupied earlier and so Honoka continued telling her story about her day. Kou was smiling all through out, asking a few things here and there.

The ginger head looked at her worriedly again when she finished, "Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yeah." Kou croaked out as she attempts to dry off her tears, "I'm glad you got what you wished for Honoka. You deserve it." her expression turned solemn, "You honestly deserve it." she didn't get it that much but she smiled and thanked Kou...

"AH!" Honoka jumps from her seat, "You haven't met her yet right?! I mean in person! Can you wait for a bit? She said she'll get me some food."

"It's fine. I don't need to meet her." Kou stands up from the bench and fixed her clothes, "After all...I don't exist anymore."

"Huh?"

Kou held the tip of her fedora and raised it, "I'm..."

 _Clank._ Kotori drops the bag of bread and drinks she was holding.

"Honoka-chan?"

"Kotori-chan?"

"Why is there two of you?"

* * *

CLIFFHANGER! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OKAY SO I'M SO HAPPY BECAUSE 1) CLASSES ARE SUSPENDED TOMORROW (*THROWS CONFETTI*), 2) MY BIRTHDAY IS NEARING GUYS, EXPECT UPDATES, 3) THERE'S A CLIFFHANGER AND THIS STORY IS ALMOST DONE!

I don't know but I hope this chapter works for you guys T.T I hope it's not too confusing (I mean it should be a bit confusing) so yeah~

*coughs* and so here is my challenge for you guys, since there are **TWO** possible characters to be Kou here, I want you guys to guess **who she is** and **justify your guess** AND if it's correct and the explanation **hits close to home (or my** **plot)** then! I'll be accepting **any prompt** from the said winner or you could **let me pick as well** ***only Honoka x Kotori is available for you guys cuz this is a HonoKoto fic*** (don't worry fluff lovers, I have a friend who's amazing on those and I'll be asking for her advice :)) also if there are two same ideas, I'll be considering only the first one (or the one who posted their explanation first)

ANYWAYSSSS **PLEASE REVIEW AND FAVORITE THIS STORY**! And also I have a new one for you HonoUmi fans :) though I don't advise you to read if you hate angst really.


	5. Kou's Perspective

This is just a flashback of Kou's life in the past. ;P and according to my update list the next one would be 4 chapters away from my other upcoming fanfictions (might take up to four weeks? omg I'm a cliff-hanging demon) but one of those upcoming is a HonoKoto one-shot ;D The next chapter would be Kou's future so it would be angsty again but the end is not :D

 **UnheardBird** : Yeah that's why . .sad! We need more HonoKoto fanfics guys :D mhm but the name is not related at all so wrong :P

 **OuMiyuki** : That's actually a good one, I might make an alternate ending ;P so yes it's not Kotori.

 **Kakashi00521** : Hope this will satisfy you too and thank you for the review! Correct! But lacking a lot of details hehehe.

 **TheNightstriker** : You really hit CLOSE to home so you're the WINNER! :DDDD PM me the prompt and I'll add it to my queue, remember that it could only be a HonoKoto :D

 **Kyla124** : Sure! But I'll probably do it tomorrow, it's like 1 AM right now.

* * *

"Why is there two of me?" Kou repeats at the two baffled lovers. Honoka looked at Kotori. Kotori looked back at her and they turned back to Kou.

"Who are you? Why do you look like...me?"

Kou smiles, "It's because I am you. I am Raise Kou, aka Kousaka Honoka." she completely removes her fedora and exposes the growing ginger hair that was covered. She brings her hands up and gently removed her contact lenses, "Wow was that comfortable to remove." she smiles, trying to ease off the growing thick atmosphere.

Honoka looked at her, an almost carbon copy of her if it wasn't for the bi-colored hair. _Is it not a coincidence right?_ Kotori held her arm tightly.

"Why do you look like Honoka-chan?" Kotori glares at the 'stranger' to mask off her frightened self. It is not every day you see an EXACT look-alike of your crush. And an older one at that.

"Because I am her," Kou answers, "I came from the future to fix a mistake in the past."

Honoka didn't know what to do. Believe her? Not believe her? _But she does look like me,_ "And that mistake is...?"

The older woman turns to Kotori and points at her, "You. You are Kousaka Honoka's biggest mistake."

* * *

I look at myself once more in the mirror. _This is it. I'm really doing it._ It took me a few to find a way to go back to the past and I learned of this thing called self-hypnosis. It's where I will hypnotize myself into thinking I'm part of a certain timeline in the past with something that is from that time. The thing I'm going to use is the collage Kotori-chan made me years ago, I used to hang it in my room... _I'm going to change the past. I cannot let us end up like this._ I look at the wedding invitation on my bed, _especially after that. To know that she loves me too but it can't be anymore. It's not possible in this time, we are years too late for fixing this mess._ I'm going to the past, I'm going to see our former selves...and I have to be prepared I have to be different. I will use my acting skills and revert to who I am supposed to be. I wipe away the remaining almost drying tears and lied down on my bed. The last thing I saw was me and her looking at the camera, smiling innocently without a clue about our wretched and broken future.

* * *

 _Was it successful?_ I am too scared to open my eyes. If it was unsuccessful...what am I going to do? I reached out for anything, anything to tell me I was somewhere that isn't my room. _Stuff toys? I don't have any of those anymore._ I open my eyes and almost fainted. _It worked!_ _I'm back in my old room in Homura!_ _What time is it?_ I excitedly walk to my study table and look at the clock. _Huh? It's already way past dismissal time, where did I go?_

I jump when I heard the front door open, _is that me?_ I scramble, looking for a spot to sit on or anything that wouldn't look too awkward or posed. I decided to jump on the bed.

My heart almost jumped out of my body when the door slid open and I saw me, with my old side pony tail and in Otonoki's uniform. _Huh?_ She looked sad. I felt a heavy weight around my chest when I felt what she did. _Oh right, I could only block it a few times and I can't remember everything she'll experience too right?,_ "I'm not..."

"You're not what?" I ask quickly. _Did I go to the wrong timeline? Is this after Umi-chan and Kotori-chan got together?- Shoot!_ I know that face, I'm about to shout! I jump off the bed and ran to myself and covered her mouth, "WH-mph!"

"I won't hurt you I promise...just, don't shout please?" I whisper nervously. I watch movies too, I'm only here to mess up my future with Kotori-chan, not to mess up my parents or even Yukiho's. My past self-didn't answer so I repeated. She nods. I breathe in relief, "Good." I take a few steps back. She looked a bit wary of me so I told her I'm no madwoman.

"You know it's kind of sketchy to wear sunglasses inside the room." I turn my head to the side before it started settling into me, "O-Oh. Sorry, I forgot I was wearing one in the first place. Better?"

I swear I almost laughed. My past-self seemed to be eyeing me and her mouth's agape too. I should definitely not comment on that so I turned my direction to my room. Wow, "Wah~ this room's so cute!" I ran to my bookshelf and took a few mangas, _I forgot about all this I was really into mangas that time,_ "God, I missed these mangas- hey, hey you wouldn't mind if I read some of these right?" she did not answer but returned my question with her own.

"U-um...may I ask who you are?"

"Hm?" _Shoot, what am I going to say? I prepared almost everything but that is one thing I didn't prepare._ She started telling me something about going home sad about something but I am currently troubled about my name... _something not so obvious..._

"O-oh! I'm sorry I forgot to introduce myself. I'm..." _What am I supposed to tell_ _her?_

"You're...?"

"I'm Raise Kou." I smile. _It's perfect, Happy (Raise) Future/Next world (Kou)._

 _I should ask her name too._ "That name-"

"And you are?"

"U-Uh...Kousaka Honoka." _I knew that but she doesn't have to, oh my gosh traveling back into time is so fun!_

 _Uh oh, she's looking so deep into my eyes, she might notice I'm wearing my contacts!_

"H-Hey-"

"Honoka...chan? Can I call you that?" she slowly nods and asked if she could call me 'Kou-senpai'

"Please call me...Kou-chan...I guess?- That is if it's okay with you...I- uh...oh gosh." _Who thought it would be easy to talk to your past self? It's awkward alright._ I blushed.

"May I ask what are you doing in my room and...how you got in...?" _How did I get in?_

 _"You see I stared at this picture and I slept and ended up at this time. I was lying, I am you in the future Honoka!" - is not the best approach of all._

"O-Oh! That uhm...I, there!" I point to the window. She said she was sure she locked it but no I have to stand firm. Hmph!

"W-Well! You did Honoka-chan. Ahahahaha!"

"Anyways Kou-chan, what are you doing in my room?"...

"Are you alright Kou-chan?" _I almost got distracted. I'm not here to reminisce my happy past. I don't even know if it is considered happy...I know this,_ I look at Honoka, _this me is already broken. Not in the extent of mine. She can still be saved. I can still save her from my future._

I tried to be careful with my words as I talked with my past self and now I know that my past is almost as miserable as I am. I could see her in my memories, I could feel her pain add on to mine. She was a crying wreck like me. She was giving up. I did my best to persuade her, she cannot feel the pain I do. I want to save myself from that. I want to save me and Kotori-chan from that. She's really pessimistic, she thinks she has no chance but I know we do. Kotori-chan said so in her letter. I even pushed her down to prove my point, yes, I am that desperate. Plus, the only alternative to this is going back to the future and see her walk down the aisle...I can't accept that.

In the end, I got the answer I was looking for, "Help me."

That night I watched myself sleep comfortably, I badly want her to know who I really am but I can't. _Not now when I haven't done what I'm here for. Now..._ I look down on the crumpled papers and inwardly cries, "I can't think of any ideas!" I've been at this since way earlier and I still haven't done anything that fits a student-like confession. If it were me in the future I would surely continue the 'Fly to Paris' plan.

Honoka was awakened soon after that and she commented on me not removing my get up. Specifically my fedora. _I would if it weren't for the reason that my natural hair color is growing, wait, should I introduce myself as her relative? No! Stop being so indecisive._ In the end, I ended up changing my clothes and going to sleep. _Wait...I should visit her tomorrow._

* * *

Early in the morning I snuck away and jogged to Kotori-chan's house. _It's still pretty early, she must still be asleep._ I thought but as if on cue her house's front door budged and I instinctively hid. You see, I am wearing a stalkerish get up and I don't want to freak her out. She was talking to someone over the phone, **"Umi-chan...pick me up?"**

 _"Sorry Honoka-chan, Umi-chan's going to pick me up from work. It's our sixth year anniversary."_ My lips quivered. _Keep the acting up._ I breathe in a huge amount of air to prevent my eyes from prickling with tears...I thought I was ready but when I saw Umi-chan and Kotori-chan's past selves together and walking away from me, my mind started to visualize **my** Umi and Kotori in the future, walking away from me as if I was never there. I held my neck, _I feel like suffocating. I need a drink._

 _"Stop drinking okay Honoka-chan?"_

 _That promise...doesn't count in here because she hasn't said it yet._

"I need a drink, there's a bar around here right?"

* * *

I ended up in a hotel bar, drinking a lot of bottles before I was brought to my room and I rested there for quite a while. Now it's the afternoon, I should go meet with my former self, my heart heavies when I saw through her eyes when she was looking for me. I hope Kotori-chan and Umi-chan aren't with her. Even alcohol that **few** cannot make me forget. I used to drink a whole case in the future, don't tell the press that...

I was walking down the road leading to Otonokizaka when I saw Honoka walk out. I was about to wave to her when I saw her cross the street when the pedestrian light was red and a speeding car was approaching. I ran and pulled her to me. _If Honoka's to die right now...then I will disappear too. If that happened then there will be no future for us._

"Is that what you say to your savior? You could've died." I shook her a bit but her eyes were emotionless, almost like mine. I cannot let my younger self fall earlier than I did, it would be harder in the future. I choke a sob and hugged her, "Damn it I don't know what would've happened if you died." _Please hang on a little longer, I don't want you to be as miserable as me..._

"I thought you were a dream. I thought I was too depressed that I dreamt or hallucinated that an angel, _you_ , lent me help with Kotori-chan..." I'm no angel. I might be selfish and desperate rather, going back in time and doing all this. _I just couldn't let it be. I should be the name beside hers on that card. She loves me too. She loves us too. I just need a little more effort for you to confess and all will be well. I'll be gone but...everything will be well._

"An angel? Honoka, you still have a chance." _I'm no angel. I'm a desperate entity. I am regret, envy and an abomination of all ill feelings. I'm ruined._ _You are not._ Honoka's still a flower that blooms, only that it has a few flaws and dried petals. She doesn't need to feel the unnecessary pain this unrequited-but-actually-mutual-love brought to me over the years.

I gulp, "...You still believe me right?"

"Yes," she answers resolutely and fiery blue met my dark brown. _Those eyes, I miss them._ Been so long since I actually felt real determination seep into my system.

I started fetching and bringing Honoka to and from school. Sometimes I would see Kotori-chan and Umi-chan but I did my best to disregard it for now. I did it for a decade, a few days or months is nothing to me.

Today, I brought Honoka flowers. Don't get me wrong, I'm not courting myself. I'm giving it to her to give it to Kotori and confess. I prepared everything, the note, the flowers, everything. I'll do anything.

"Wait this is all too fast Kou-chan!" Honoka reasons with a smile and I felt her being all giddy.

"Come on! I've been thinking about this for two weeks! See I told you! I'm a genius- ow!"

"Two weeks and you only got to give-flowers-and-confess?!" _Forgive me. I've been drinking almost every day, I actually expect myself to disappear not from not being part of your future but from alcohol overdose._

"Hey! Don't forget the scenery! That was pretty clever of me."

"Fine...wait, what do I say!?"

"Tell her what you feel you, idiot!" _Tell her what we feel._

Honoka nodded and ran off to confess and I stood there, tears falling down my face. This time I didn't bother to wipe them away. They're tears of joy. Sure I'll disappear but Honoka- I am going to be happy. I fish my phone out of my pocket and stare at my home screen photo. A picture of me and Kotori just before I read her letter. It was a blissful moment that ended with heartbreak. _Still, I treasure it. It's because of this that I'm here._

I dried away my tears and used a bit of makeup to get rid of some of my eyes' puffiness before making my way to the schoolyard to see how the confession is going. When I arrived I saw Honoka standing in front of me and I grin, "Cold's feet Honoka-chan?" yet she won't answer so I looked at where she was so fixated on. The scene broke my heart. It reminded me of everything I wanted to forget. It reminded me of the time I wasted on hiding away.

 _"I loved you. No, I still love you."_

 _"Be happy. You deserve it."_

 _"This might be my farewell. **Why?** "_

 _"Will you stand by me at the altar Honoka? I need my best friend there._ _**Yes,**_ **I** _ **will.**_ "

 _"You'll be attending the wedding right? **Wouldn't miss it for the world.** "_

 _"How's your toast? **Great.** "_

 _"Stop that Honoka! **I'm sorry Nozomi-chan I can't anymore.** "_

I look at Honoka as my vision blurs. My heart is in so much pain. My pain and Honoka's merged together and it's almost unbearable. Droplets of tears get caught by her aviator glasses. Honoka cannot experience what I did. I grab her wrist, "Honoka let's go."

"Honoka!"

 _"Will you go out with me?"_

 _"Will you marry me, Kotori?"_

 **"Kiss me."**

* * *

I ran away after my argument with Honoka. She doesn't understand. Everything I am doing right now is all for her. I look in front of me and somehow I found myself in front of Kotori's house. I chuckle dryly. _I've been crying so many times lately...and here I thought I won't be crying anymore. Life is no fairy tale. It's reality...huh?_ My memories told me that Honoka's going home, thinking about something. I'm too sad to focus on it so I didn't bother digging deeper. I could ask about it later.

I find myself going here whenever I need to think. Seeing this building makes me remember my Kotori-chan. Sure the Kotori here is also her but...I miss home. I miss her. She's my home, the one who showered me with love even though it was indirect. Hah, thinking back at it now I can see all her subtle advances. Whenever I get sick, she somehow always knows, she always shows up on those rainy evenings, always there at my concerts' after parties. Always there for me but I was too busy pretending to be okay not seeing she too was trying to be okay. We're broken together but here she is getting married tomorrow.

 _I'm moving on. If you ever have feelings for me you should too._

I am also losing hope. I am getting tired. Maybe I really am hopeless. She loves me but what if we weren't meant for each other? What if we were meant to fall for each other but fall harder for someone else? But it's been ten years and I haven't found one person that could rival my love for Kotori. We must have been lovers in the past life that are doomed to not be together in their next lives. I look at my watch. _Oh if I'm counting right, tomorrow's their wedding...that quick? Maybe I should go back...as painful as it is I'm still their best friend._

I sat down on the sidewalk and hugged myself. It was comforting and sad being near at the same time so far away. Whatever, I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

"Excuse me?" I look up and saw my best friend. The best friend who knew nothing but took everything from me. No that's unfair, I'm not blaming Umi-chan, I am to blame after all.

"Hey." I managed to reply and I look forward. Being this close to my best friend's past self, I really feel like going back there. Even if it hurts I want to be there for them.

"Um here," Umi fishes out a handkerchief from her pocket and lends it to me, "you don't have to return that to me."

"Why are you so kind to a stranger?" I ask as I took the handkerchief.

She shrugs, "Don't know. A lot of drama today is rubbing off me I guess." _she must be talking about earlier._

"Tell me about it." I murmur. I expected her to leave me be but no, she sat beside me instead. I look at her, "Why?"

"I don't know if I should be doing this but...if you want I'll lend you my shoulder to rest on."

I chuckle a bit, "You know I am older than you right?"

"Eh?! I thought you were a fellow student," Umi-chan stands up and bows over and over.

"It's okay. I actually appreciate it. It's not every day a stranger is nice to you." _though you are no stranger to me._ I smile at her. _Huh? She's staring intently at me_ , "W-What is it?"

"It's nothing, you look a bit like my childhood best friend."

I warily lower my fedora, "I do?"

She nods and returns to her seat beside me, "Maybe. You look like her right now. She cries a lot these days." Umi-chan looks down sadly.

"Does she?"

"Yeah, I want to do something. I cannot bear to watch my best friend like that." Umi-chan says determinedly. I felt touch but one question I never got to ask my Umi surfaced in my mind, "Would you ever intentionally hurt her?"

"What?" Umi looks at me incredulously, "No, I may not love her like my other best friend but she's still very dear to me."

I rest my head on the wall, "Other best friend?"

"I might have said too much." Umi chuckles a bit, "but yeah, she likes her but she's confused lately."

 _Kotori's confused?_ "My other best friend is seeing this older girl I think and it hurts me to see her sad too."

 _Older girl? The only girl that's with Honoka every day...is me!_ _So that's why-_

"Ah, I have to go. I'm really sorry but thank you for listening." I stand up as well, "No problem. It was good company."

"...you really look like Honoka..." she mumbles.

"Pardon?"

Umi-chan shook her head, "It's nothing. I just thought that maybe it's because you look like my best friend that I was comfortable around you." she says before bidding goodbye.

I went home to Homura after that and Honoka told me that she's planning to confess again. I decided not to tell her what Umi-chan told me because it was unnecessary. At least for her but it meant a lot to me.

* * *

"Honoka."

"Kou-chan, you ok?" she asks me worriedly while I wave her off, "I'm fine, I'm fine...these are tears of joy...um...could you continue telling your story? I want to hear all about it." _I know it but I'm going to disappear soon. I want to know more about how she felt. I want to see her talk about it and not in my memories that are fading._

"Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yeah. I'm glad you got what you wished for Honoka. You deserve it."

"You haven't met her yet right?! I mean in person! Can you wait for a bit? She said she'll get me some food."

"It's fine. I don't need to meet her. After all...I don't exist anymore." _my memories are slowly fading from my childhood. Soon I'll be forgotten, I'll be gone. But that's okay._

"Honoka-chan?"

"Kotori-chan?"

"Why is there two of you?"

* * *

And the last chapter is going to take a long while HAHAHA anyways thank you for supporting this story :D also as said there, Kou could only feel a few of Honoka's feelings and sometimes block out some memories so :D Please review!


	6. Welcome Home

**Okay~ so I ended up updating in a week instead of four weeks...sigh anyways, it's finally come to this...I wrote the comment section and this one after finishing the 'one day before leaving' part down below so I'm kind of...sad.**

 **(Trigger Warning: Tread lightly, blood and alcohol and hella amount of angst here.)**

 **Also...Shout out to Kyla124! Don't think I haven't noticed but you've been reviewing for almost all chapters :D Same goes to Miyuki-chan and the winner of this fanfic's 'guess-who' game: TheNightstriker 0~0**

 **Now to the reviews! (which I guess are also those on the shout outs HAHAHAHA)**

 **OuMiyuki : Thank you for the support T.T *bows continuously until back breaks* I guess the only happy part is really at the end since I inserted more angst XD. Well, maybe you'll win on my next game for you guys 0~0 I like games so much! Plus~ I got writer's block on the HonoKoto fic I was talking about so I made this one instead. Hope it will be okay for you!**

 **TheNightstriker** **: Ey~ thanks for the support :D *throws confetti all over the place* btw I have not started actually writing the prompt but the layout and order are done :D just waiting for some inspiration of some sort. PS: I write a lot of angst...but I feel so dfjkverkvnwkn when I read one...I don't know anymore.**

 **Kyla124 : Hi! Thanks for reading this story! (and thanks for finding it the best xD) Well, I have two HonoKoto fics in my order of updates list (which was ruined by this story T.T), two one-shots and one idk-if-long-running-or-three-shot. Hope that when I release those, I'll see your name again :D Thank you again! **

**Without further ado~**

* * *

"You. You are Kousaka Honoka's biggest mistake." Kou bit her lip. _It's my mistake. Brushing off all those chances I could have told you to be mine. To be with me._

Honoka grit her teeth and balled her fists, _What is Kou-chan saying? If she's really me...if I am her in the future why is she meddling in the past, why is she my-_ "How can Kotori-chan be a mistake? I love her! And if you really are me then you-"

"Yes I love her-" Kou raised her voice, effectively silencing her younger self. She was crying then and her heart felt heavy like a mountain worth of rocks were pushing down on her chest. But she continued, she always did.

"We both do! So much that it pains you. No, it pains us. Ten years in your future-in my present, it's still the same! The pain, anger, frustration and hiding your emotions from the one girl you love- it's too much! Everyone might think I'm happy and contented with life as I have now," she didn't care anymore if someone heard them or if the two understood what she said, she had kept them for so long and now that it's in front of her- the happiness she wished she had- it came out like an open hydrant, "But no! The one thing I actually and earnestly wanted in life...you," she averts her gaze to Kotori,

"I never had you..." Kou trails off and drops on the ground. _I finally said it..._

* * *

 **3rd year.** I was sitting on my desk, waiting for Kotori-chan and Umi-chan to finish their after-school cleaning duties. They told me to go home first but I don't want to go home alone. I, at least, want to spend some time with Kotori-chan before we graduate. _Graduate._ The thought of it sickens me. We will part ways, just like Nico-chan, Eli-chan and Nozomi-chan left Otonokizaka. We barely hear from them now. The three of us may never see each other for how long too...it's weird. I spent my entire life to this point with them, it doesn't feel right without Umi-chan and especially Kotori-chan. _If you could just confess now Honoka, you would be able to stay with her-!_

"Kotori." I heard Umi-chan's voice outside the room. I stood up from my seat and was prepared to surprise them. My hand was already on the handle of the door when-

"Will you go out with me?"

 _Huh? What?_ My hand laid paralyzed on the handle, I could stop this confession if I opened the door now. Kotori-chan's not answering at all, I can stop this. My heart was beating out of my chest and my mind went into overdrive. I was conflicted between opening the door and listening to her reply. _Damn it-_

"If you don't want to it's okay-"

"No, let's give it a try." _Huh?_ I touch my cheeks, _huh? why...am I crying?_

It was two weeks since then and I acted indifferent...like how I usually do. I smiled. I laughed. I _tried_ to ignore and feign ignorance whenever Umi-chan looks at Kotori-chan with those eyes that I wish only I would show to her. Yet, hers is felt and seen while mine is kept and hidden far from Kotori-chan's heart.

I arrived at the rooftop, a little bit later than everyone else. They were all huddling around Umi-chan and Kotori-chan and I started trembling in fear. _Did they tell them already? Does that mean I'll have to pretend to be happy for them? To pretend that everything's fine and I didn't want to take Kotori-chan away from her?_

 _ **You coward, you can't even confess to her first, how could you think you could steal her?** Stop it. _I told my conflicting thoughts.

"Honoka-chan!" I look up and saw Kotori-chan run up to me with Umi-chan behind her.

"Honoka..." Umi-chan and I locked eyes before my eyes drifted lower and to their intertwined fingers.

 _Now that it is presented to me on a silver platter...I can't handle it, I can't accept this!_ I grit my teeth and clenched my fists, ready to tell my feelings when I saw Kotori-chan's face when she looked at Umi-chan.

"We're sorry we didn't tell you first."

"Yeah..." _Am I really that selfish? Will I exchange my happiness for my two best friend's sadness? No..._

 _"I can't accept this."_

I smile and rested my hands beside my hips, "Congratulations you two."

* * *

 **2nd Year College.** I stared longingly at the picture frame hanging on my bed side wall. After a long day at university, all I wanted is to rest. I turn to the picture. Me, Kotori-chan and Umi-chan after our high school graduation ceremony. I chuckle, "I've been doing really well (in hiding) since..." my face then was grinning at me widely. I'm surprised no one ever noticed that that grin was a big fat lie. I didn't want our high school days to end. I didn't want them to leave me and go to a university away from our district. I didn't tell them though I mean, who is Kousaka Honoka to deprive her friends who happened to be together from going to the school of their dreams. _Hah_ , I wanted to go there too...but I can't move on if I see her every day so I stayed here.

 _I'm lying to myself again,_ this past year has been the worst. I thought I'll eventually forget about her but I couldn't. Everything I see somehow reminds me of her and not being able to calm myself by seeing her feel worse.

"How are you?" I could call her now but she might have classes. Or she might be having dinner with Umi-chan. _Ah, I never got to ask her at all. Here I am hurting myself for attempting to cut her out of my life._ It will fail I know but I'm trying though it breaks me further apart.

* * *

Kotori-chan and I are having a private dinner together. Umi-chan wasn't with us because she was having a convention for writers or something. It was rare since we were both very busy with work and life. Well for me it is only work...no life at all. For the past years, I've been drowning myself in my work. That's how I managed to debut earlier and successfully. Hah, if I were myself during my school idol days before the crisis I would've been so proud of myself...but I'm not. Work is just a distraction for my broken and irreparable heart. _**You know...that girl in front of you...she can't ever be yours.**_

 _I know._

 ** _Well, she could have been if you weren't such a coward._**

 _I know. I know that Honoka._

 ** _Good._**

"Honoka-chan?"

"Yeah?" I answer before taking in a bite of steak.

"Do you know what day it is tomorrow?"

I look up, _hmm it's Friday,_ "It's Friday." I answer and take in another bite.

Kotori-chan giggled and my eyebrows furrowed, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just can't believe you'll forget your own birthday." I drop the fork and look at her in bewilderment. I look at my wristwatch, _it's true, tomorrow's my birthday._

"Happy birthday Honoka-chan~" Kotori-chan stood up, my gaze not leaving her once as she hid her right hand behind her back. She goes to my side and raises my head and kissed my cheek. **_Don't get my hopes up._** _I love you._

She started singing me happy birthday. Even after we became adults, Kotori-chan's mesmerizing and intoxicating voice lured me in like it was the first time. To me, her voice is the one thing I want to hear after I wake and the last thing I want to hear before I sleep. As she sang the song with a bit of swaying, I felt my eyes blur.

"Honoka-chan?" she stops singing and my tears went like an opened dam. Rushing like there is no tomorrow. Flowing like I haven't cried for weeks. Kotori-chan set the gift down on the table and hugged me. "Don't cry. I don't like it when I see you cry."

 _It's not the gift. Not the rare fancy dinner. Not because I forgot my birthday. It's because I know I'm years too late to tell you the truth. I love you very much._

* * *

 **A few months before the wedding.**

I look at my watch for the nth time this hour. _They're lat_ e _. How unusual._

 _"That girl is so beautiful."_

 _"She looks like a celebrity."_ I push my sunglasses higher on my eyes and adjusted my beanie a bit to cover most of my hair.

 _"Isn't she-"_

"Honoka-chan!" I turn to the direction of the voice to see Kotori-chan running towards me and engulfing me in a big bear hug. I grunt, "Miss me?"

Kotori-chan pouts, "Of course I did I mean you were gone for like two years you rising celebrity."

 _Two years. I tried to get away from you for two years, drowning myself in my work as an idol. A month there I was missing you like crazy. Half a year there I wanted to see you. A year and I felt like dying from not hearing from you for weeks - even months. six months before now I started feeling better. I started showing interest in one of my co-idols. Then why? After a great day with her, why did you have to announce to me your engagement with Umi? Suddenly the feelings I had forgotten came back and now here I am, arriving in Tokyo to attend your wedding months after this._

I chuckle, not noticing the devilish aura behind me, "I'm still- Ow!"

"No e-mails, no phone calls are you trying to worry us Honoka?!" Umi scolds me as I caress the reddening left ear of mine.

"I was busy..." I pout and Umi-chan goes to Kotori-chan's side. _Oh yeah, they're still-_

"Well come on, we don't have all day Kotori and I will be talking to the wedding planner later on," she says before taking Kotori-chan by the hand and walking ahead of me. _So near yet so far away. I'm so far away. I should be that one. I should be in Umi-chan's place-_

Their faces showed so much...happiness. Been so long since I honestly and sincerely felt that emotion. I clench my fist and grit my teeth, _I can't be used to this. I can't be immune to this. What can I do? Smile._

"Hey don't leave me alone now!" I whine as I strode next to them, keeping up a smile while I was shredded in the insides.

* * *

 **Three days before she left for the past.** I sigh and watch the cold whisper of air flew out of my mouth and dissolve into the open night sky. I lower my cap and tuck my hands in my hoodie's pockets.

"Honoka-chan!" I whip my head to the direction of her voice. I smile, "Kotori-chan." I wave at her.

She ran a few steps closer to me, finally stopping when we were face to face with each other, "Did you wait long?"

I look at my watch. _Wow, half an hour?_ "No, I just got here myself." she nods and intertwines her arm with mine making me blush at the contact.

"Shall we?" she said as we started our late night walk in the park.

"So what's this about?" I asked a few minutes later. I received a text from her earlier today and invited me on a late night walk. I knew that I needed to refuse or else I won't move on. _**"I'll be there."**_ I sigh.

She turned to look at me for a quick second before returning her gaze in front of us, "I just...wanted to see you I guess." Honoka nods and they continued to walk in silence.

 _We never ran out of topics before as teenagers...but why is it now so hard to even say a damn thing to her?_ Honoka thought sadly, gazing at the pavement ahead of her. _I used to tell her everything. Well everything except that but now even 'everything'..._ She sighs. _I don't know that much about her now too. It's my fault I guess...I chose to turn away from her all these years and now we're almost like strangers smiling at each other not knowing the other's story at all..._

She gives Kotori a side-glance, taking note of the uneasy and indecisive look on the girl's face. The same look she gave off when she had to make a decision between helping her or siding with Umi during their younger days. _What could she be thinking?-_

"Honoka-chan," Kotori tugs on her arm and points at a nearby bench, "let's rest there for a bit." The ginger head nodded slowly and the two of them walked to the bench quietly, removing their linked arms in the process. She takes out her bag and stuffs her hand in, "I have something to give you."

Honoka raised an eyebrow and tried to peek in what it was but Kotori moved to block her view. She pouts. _What could it be?_

"Here."

Honoka takes it from Kotori slowly. At the middle was two wedding rings, one with a faint hint of blue and the other dimmed a bit, almost gray.

"We have settled a date already." Kotori looks down on her own hands, not seeing Honoka's shocked-turned-sad expression. Sensing no answer from the girl for a few minutes, she turns to look. Honoka had her eyes locked with the large text written in cursive at the front of the blue and gray envelope.

"I really hope you could come..." she says carefully.

Honoka heard it all but she cannot find the voice to answer to them. _It has finally come to this._ She blinks in quick succession, _I'm supposed to be happy for them...but I hate to admit that at some point since I came back here I wished this would all fall apart. I'm such a terrible friend...but... now..._

 _ **You are invited to Sonoda Umi and Minami Kotori's Wedding.**_

 _Now that it's given and shown to me in the form of this...I don't think I would accept it. They're really going through with this. They're going to start a family...they're going to be with each other until the end...If I just...if I just had confessed to her before Umi...would she have accepted me? Hah, probably not...I'm no one special after all._

The idol turned to her fashion designer friend and grinned, "I would you dummy. Why else would I have flown from the States to Tokyo?"

The latter smiled, it seems that her friend is not entirely gone after all..."I guess so..."

"Well, is that it?"

"Huh?"

Honoka raised the envelope, "You invited me here to give this to me right?"

Her smile and head dropped and she did not answer as quickly as she would have wanted to, "Honoka-chan..." her vision blurs a bit as she raises her arms to engulf her best friend into a hug. "This might be my farewell, Honoka-chan."

"Why?" the latter tried to get a glimpse of the ash brunette's face but the girl held her tightly. Deciding not to push Kotori, she slowly raises her arms and returned the hug, "Why are you speaking as if we'll never see each other anymore?"

"There's no turning back now..." Kotori choked back a sob silently, "Be happy, Honoka-chan."

Neither of them dared to speak after. All that was left was the unseen tears on the two girls faces. Tears they didn't cry for the first time. Hidden from each other, locked away in their hearts. Forever.

* * *

 **Two days before she left for the past.**

"Honoka." Umi slides into her seat across Honoka in the high-end cafe, "I'm surprised you got in here just in time."

The ginger head nodded, "I hope you don't mind but I ordered dessert and coffee for you already."

"Thank you," Umi said before the air around them turned quiet. The occasional clinks of silver and porcelain resounded in their ears as neither of them spoke, well until one did, "So why did you call me out here for?"

"Kotori had given you the invitation right?" she nods, "Have you looked at it?"

Honoka was about to answer when the waiter came to their side and settled down the desserts and coffee.

"I haven't looked into it yet," she said as soon as the guy left.

"Oh..." Umi slowly nods and takes a sip of her coffee, "You'll be attending the wedding right?"

Honoka quickly nods, "Wouldn't miss it for the world." she grinned, not noticing Umi's changed expression.

"Honoka..." Umi scratched her cheek, making sure not to meet her best friend's gaze, "Will you stand by me at the altar Honoka? I need my best friend there."

"...Why me? You have other friends you're much closer with now."

The bluenette looked down, "I want...my first friend to be beside me. You're special to me too Honoka."

Honoka scoffed and smiled, "Yes, I will. I guess I'll have to give a toast or speech of some sort right?" Umi nodded quietly.

"I'm excited," Honoka says with much glee, while underneath the table, her hands were gripping so hard on her skirt they were getting messed up. _It hurts. I want to be in Umi-chan's place so bad that I'm thinking these bad things...it's not their fault for falling for one another...it's my fault for not voicing myself out before they did. I might have had a chance...I might have had a chance to move on._

They parted ways soon after because Umi had to go back to work. When Honoka arrived home, all she could think of was why Umi had acted a bit sad all throughout after that. _It started from the invitation._ She goes to her bedroom and took the invitation lying on the end table. Scanning it, since she didn't do so last night because she was plagued from Kotori's cryptic words, she noticed it was bulkier than she originally thought it was.

Removing the ribbon carefully, she opened the flap and there were three folded papers, blue, beige and gray. She decided to open the beige one first.

It was the wedding invitation, complete with a painting-like faded picture of the two of them surrounded by orange leaves, _probably autumn somewhere._ After reading it a bit, and running her eyes over and over the names of the two, she placed it down and opened the blue one. Her eyes went wide when she recognized the beautiful hand writing.

 **Honoka,**

 **Feels weird to write to you since I never actually done it before but I'll do my best. First of all, I wanted to say I knew. I'm angry because you think I didn't notice how you try to hide your pain in those smiles. I waited and waited and waited for you to tell me what's wrong but you never did. Do I mean that little to you?** **It was always the three of us together; you, me and Kotori. I loved you two so much that I cannot imagine how I would be if I lose you two. Then somewhere along the line, my worst fear came true, I started losing you. I lost my best friend, the girl who didn't give a damn as long as she's having fun with her friends. I hated it so much, it wasn't only Kotori who was crying to her sleep then.**

 **But I still believed even if everything's changed since we were high school I still know you, at least I think I do. In the end, I found out the reason all by myself.**

 **I know you love my fiancee and honestly, it breaks me. Not because of the fact that you do but because she used to love you too which lead to us dating back then. She told me she was giving up on you that day and I knew if I didn't do anything to save her, I'll lose her too so I confessed. I didn't really love her like that then but I didn't want to lose her...and I'm sure she only accepted because she wanted to move on from her apparently not unrequited love.**

 **That saved her till now...I would have saved you too but you were too far gone Honoka...in the end, I had unconsciously hurt you more. Then as time passed, I started loving her...and I guess she did too. Lastly, the two of us had gone deep into this relationship...I don't think I can let her go if you ever confessed to her now, even if I used to root for you and her. I'm sorry it's too late for you. I'm sorry for falling in love with Kotori.**

 **With that, I end this letter with this and I hope it will save you: Be happy. You deserve it.**

 **PS: Kotori does not know about this letter, I had snuck it in when she was asleep.**

 **With all my love,**

 **\- Umi**

Honoka slowly sat down on her bed in shock. Her tears fell down her cheeks and into the paper, blotting the ink in the process. Her chest was hurting and her head felt heavy all of the sudden. It was as if a thousand of rocks were weighing her down, never letting her go. _So Umi-chan knew..._ she sobbed, _she knew about me, she knew about my secret...and...Kotori loved me too back then. Damn it._ She took a pillow and threw it on the floor out of frustration. _Why do I keep hurting myself and others? Why am I such a coward? Why didn't I confess?_

"Stupid. Stupid!" Honoka repeated to herself over and over. _I'm such a burden...now Umi-chan's...sorry for loving her...damn it!_ She kept crying, settling down the paper on her side as she hugged her knees and leaned on the head board. After a few minutes, when she had calmed down a bit, she looked back on the envelope. _Kotori-chan's letter...I have the idea of what she'll say...and I know that I'll end up hurting myself more if I read it..._

She reached out and took out the gray paper... _I'm sorry, self. I'm into this too deeply...I'm sorry for hurting you again._

 **Dear Honoka-chan,**

 **I'm writing this to you since I wanted to finally put my thoughts to rest before the wedding. So here it goes:**

 **I loved you. No, I still love you. It started way back before, probably before high school. Umi-chan was the only one who knew and she tried helping me get to you but then...you started becoming different. For some time I thought that if I confessed, I might change you, return you to who you really should be but I was a coward. I never did confess so I tried moving on. That's when Umi-chan confessed to me and I accepted it, knowing that you don't love me and you never will. Why do I think that? I don't know either, maybe it's because of me, maybe it's because of you, how you acted and all, but all I knew was that I have to give up.**

 **I thought things were going well then...then you went to another university. I thought we were going to attend the same, but I guess plans do change.**

 **Is it because of me? Am I annoying you? Do you not want to be beside me any longer? Those still plague me to this day because nothing has changed. You are still so far away even when we're together. It frightened me that someday I was losing you, ask Umi-chan she knew how down I was back then well until now.**

 **As time passed, everything I didn't want to happen happened. You left for the States and you were gone like a flash. The only thing to tell me that you were still alive was those lives shown on TV or articles on the internet. I knew I was still not over you. When Umi-chan proposed...I didn't answer right away.**

 **I thought 'if I accept this...there's no going back now.' I love Umi-chan and I didn't want to hurt her so I thought that the feelings will grow on me over time and that was when I said yes.** **I know this is unfair to Umi-chan but even when we were together for years before then, I still loved you. I loved both of you at the same time and it scared me that yours was greater.**

 **Those months when you came back were a bliss. It was like 'my final moments with Honoka-chan'. Then as the time for us to get deeper into the planning, I knew I had to let you go.**

 **You were my first friend Honoka and I treasured you above all things. I still do...but it's too late. I'm moving on and if you ever had feelings for me you should too. Find someone you will earnestly love and I hope they'll love you too. I hope they'll bring the happiness I wished I could have done for you. I hope they'll bring back the Honoka I love. I know it will take some time but soon...it will be fine for me to stay back and watch you shine upon others. Hah, I used to hate that thought, I was selfishly thinking that you were mine and mine alone. But it's too late for us.**

 **\- Kotori**

* * *

 **One day before she left for the past.** The door bell rung countless of times but she did not mind, whoever she had called probably knew about the hidden key under the pot of plant. She grunted as she stood up and went to her kitchen counter. She rummaged, looking for a bottle of vodka, among the empty bottles she had drunk earlier on. Some of them fell on the floor and on her feet as it broke but she didn't flinch or show any signs of pain. She was...emotionless.

Thinking back at what she had done the previous night, Honoka brought the bottle's opening to her lips, letting the alcohol burn her throat further.

"Honoka!" in a quick second, a purplenette woman snatched the bottle from her hands. She turned to the girl lazily and raised an eyebrow, "Hey, give that back." she stretches her arm and missed. Nozomi looked around her, "Oh no..."

The apartment was trashed. Broken glass bottles scattered around the floor and there were little blotches of blood on some. She stared down and saw Honoka's feet all bloody. "Come here, I'll clean you up first."

"No~" Honoka protests and swats away Nozomi.

"I love you Kotori-chan!" she shouts as tears well up on her bloodshot and swelling eyes. Nozomi looked at her sadly.

She and Eli were the only ones who knew about her love for Kotori so they were the girl's go to in times like this. _When was the last time,_ the fortune teller thought, _when Honoka called one of us up? Honoka only does this when...she feels severely hurt._

"I'm sorry I was a coward...!"

 _This isn't the first time I'm seeing this...but seeing my junior this miserable and broken...sigh...it won't be the last._ It was always like this, Honoka would get drunk and smash things when she misses Kotori...or whenever something big happened between Kotori and Umi. She remembered when Honoka got back and called Eli to a bar and got drunk like there was no tomorrow. She was worried that the girl would die from alcohol overdose that time. Well, every time.

Nozomi had let her guard down and Honoka had taken the bottle from her and chugged it. "Stop that Honoka!" she shouts as she forcefully took it this time, her arm swiping on the surface of the table that was filled with broken glass. She winces.

"I'm sorry Nozomi-chan...I can't anymore," it was confusing. One moment, Honoka's aggressively shouting her love and feelings, and next, she wants to give up. _I don't know what to do anymore..._ her head starts to get clearer as she started realizing what's around her. She felt the sting of the burn on her throat, she felt the heaviness of her head, she felt the glass poking through her feet, she felt the soreness of her eyes.

 _If a few things...didn't go the way they did...then...I would have been fine and happy by now..._

"Honoka!" Nozomi catches the fainted girl.

* * *

Kou looks down and cries as her mind relieves the painful moments since she learned that Kotori and Umi were going out. Since she learned that all this time Kotori loved her back. All those times she decided to stay on the sidelines someone actually wanted to be beside her and not watching her from afar. Her heart clenched. The memories surged in her brain like crazy.

Kotori stared at the crying future Honoka. Slowly, she started realizing why she felt her heart ache when she saw Kou before. It was not because of her Honoka, she somehow _felt_ the sadness in Kou. She unlatched herself from Honoka and took a few steps to the older woman and hugged her. Kou cried harder.

Honoka never left where she stood at. She felt tears well up in her eyes, "Kou," she starts slowly, "Never had?"

"Ten years in the future...if you had let the situation flow without confessing at all...you'll end up broken. You'll end up like me. Broken but smiling. Sad but happy. Hurting but supporting." Kotori and Honoka's eyes widened.

"No..." the latter mumbles, _if I hadn't confessed today...if Kou-chan was never by my side these months...I would have ended up alone?_

"You mean...-"

"Don't think about it," Kou shakes her head at Kotori, "I don't want my last memories to be as bitter as my past..."

"Last memories?"

"My past?"

 _Now that's all done._ Kou smiles bittersweetly. _I don't belong in the future I got together with Kotori-chan which means I don't belong here as well._

"It doesn't matter anymore."

Honoka took a step forward closer to Kotori and Kou, "Why doesn't it matter anymore?"

 _I really wish I lived that future. I wonder how it would feel coming home to Kotori-chan. How it would feel to be in her embrace. 'Sigh' I'll never really know...but it's okay._

Kou smiles genuinely, something she has not done in a while, "Because I was never here in the first place."

"Why?"

"What?"

"You two will forget about me as if I was never here. But that's okay. At least I managed to find my happiness after wandering in the shadows. All for my future. For Honoka's future." Kou started fading slowly. She felt her strength leave her body but there was one last thing she wanted to do. She raised both her arms and embraced the two lovers. A tear fell from her eye but this wasn't of pain. She grins.

"Be happy, Kotori-chan, Honoka!"...

Honoka stared in front of her and scratched her head. _What happened?_

"What are we doing here again?" Kotori asks to which she just shrugged. All they remembered was Kotori leaving to get some bread that was now by the way still on the asphalt.

"I don't know...shall we eat? Food other than bread." Honoka smiles and Kotori smiles back. Whatever they were thinking about earlier on was now gone.

"Let's go!" the two lovers held hands and walked away.

* * *

The aroma of freshly cooked curry and the scent of strawberries filled her nose, calming and relaxing her from a hectic day in her work as an idol. Honoka sighs as she removes her jacket and cap and places it on the table beside their door. Beside a picture of her and Kotori on their wedding day. Honoka smiles.

It has been ten years since she confessed and it was still the best decision she had ever made in her life. Sometimes she thanked that she was somehow brought out of that pessimistic world. After months of misunderstandings, false conclusions, lying and cowardice they're finally here, ten years and still going stronger and stronger each day. They do fight from time to time but their minds always came back to those days that they made up; communication and understanding. Still, Honoka wonders how those time somehow felt...empty? Like there was a hole in her memory. She remembers everything she did but does not know why she did it. In the end, she just attributed it to her age. It _was_ ten years ago anyway.

"Honoka-chan?" Honoka looks up and right in front of her is her wife, Kousaka Kotori. She blushed at the thought. Like a high school girl, she still gets all giddy whenever she thinks of her Kotori being hers and hers alone. On their wedding day, Umi, her best woman, had to hold her by her shoulders so she won't jump up and down during the pictures. _That was hella embarrassing but Kotori-chan would always say that's what made her fall for me more, **"You made the pictures more unique to us Honoka-chan!"**_

"Hmm?" despite the running frenzy in her brain and the HUGE amount of self-control she had to put in from bear-hugging Kotori and smile like an idiot, she smiles and 'casually' snaked her arms on Kotori's sides and pulled her closer, eliciting a squeal of surprise from the designer.

Kotori blushed at the intimacy they shared (which she deeply enjoyed), "I missed you."

Honoka closed her eyes, "I managed to get a month-long break since the promotion period is over and since the album became a huge success on the market, they made it two months."

"Really?!"

Honoka nods, "Want to go out of the country? Maybe Paris again?" _Paris. A special place to the two women since it was where Honoka had proposed to her._ Their stomachs went fuzzy at the thought.

"Sure!" the ash brunette jumps gleefully to which Honoka indulged herself into. _This girl is everything to me. Since that time...until now. I love her._

"I'm home."

"Ah," Kotori stopped jumping, "Welcome home." and smiled sweetly.

* * *

 **And that's it for Honoka's Future. :D Hope the ending satisfied you guys but I think it won't or something because I think I rushed it? I was supposed to post this three weeks later and post a HonoKoto one-shot this week but plans changed ;D So maybe next week! This is Kotori's birthday month after all. Please leave reviews :D I'll PM you guys ;D**

 **Thank you for taking your time on reading this story 0~0**


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